Not-So-Tough Mama

*I know I've been absent for almost a year... forgive me as I jump right back in without skipping a beat.  I'll give you a small update.  Marco (4) is now in Pre-K, Jonas (3) is my sidekick, and I keep busy as Coordinator of MOPS of Miami and Group Leader of BSF... so now that you're all caught up, onto my "Not-so-tough Mama moment".

Marco has 2 left feet.

Not really, but he might as well.  In the last 3 months, we have had 3 ER visits.  That brings the tally up to 3 Marco- 1 Jonas.  Marco's winning, but I don't think he'll be getting a prize.

Back in June, he smashed his finger in the closet door while suffering from a fit of rage over a time-out.  It was a bit dramatic. He lost a nail and fractured the finger.

Then on Labor Day, he was wrapped in a towel like a burrito and tripped on a step.  Since his arms were under the towel, he fell flat on his face and busted open his chin.  This wasn't his fault.  He got 3 stitches, 2 of which he pulled all by himself.

Last week, while walking... walking, he tripped and bit through his lip.  The bottom teeth broke the inside of his lip and the top teeth broke the outside.  And he chipped a tooth.  All this damage was done while walking.  Not riding a motorcycle off a cliff... walking.  Luckily the inside of his mouth wasn't badly cut and healed quickly on it's own, but the outside was completely jagged and opened.  He needed 6 stitches, 2 of which he pulled all by himself.

Mauricio warned me that when he had the stitches put on, the scene was ugly.  Really dramatic and emotional.  He barely kept it together.  I thought he was being wimpy... I mean, for real... get over it.

I pride myself on being a tough mama.
You're crying?  Dry it up
You're hurt?  It'll be ok
You have to get a shot?  You'll survive

This may seem harsh, but it's probably a result of my many-many-many trips to the doctor and hospital, being probed, prodded, pinched and pricked since I was born due to my lung disease and RA.  I give myself an injection twice a week without flinching.  I understand that some things are medically necessary, and that although it may hurt, it's still necessary.  Get over it.

Today, we had an appointment with the plastic surgeon to remove Marco's stitches.  I walked in there wearing my tough mama pants.  He had to get them off... if it hurt, that was too bad.  As soon as the nurse came in to remove them, he began to panic.  He held onto my neck and wouldn't let her look at him.

We tried to bargain with him but nothing would get him to put his head up for her.  She finally asked me if it was ok for them to hold him down.  Remember, I still had my tough mama pants on, and I looked at her confidently and said, "yeah, of course... go for it... I'm used to this stuff".

Ahhhh my confidence and ego loves to shine out right before a fall.

They took out a blanket and wrapped him in it.  Two nurses held his arms and legs and another held his head while a fourth removed the stitches.

Seeing him like that.  Tied down and helpless.  Crying and screaming "MOMMY".  It tore me up.
Tore.
Me.
Up.

I felt like I was betraying him.  Logically I knew it was necessary, but inside I felt broken hearted.

When it was all over, a nurse handed me a wad of tissue paper and asked me if I was ok.  She said it's a lot harder when you see your child like that...
No kidding!

My tough mama facade was ripped away, and all that was left was compassion, mercy and love.  I hope I can remember that it's more important to portray those qualities.  When all was said and done, I held Marco for a while and whispered in his ear how proud I was of him, how much I love him and what a brave brave boy he was.

New Rule:  Mauricio handles all ER situations from now on.  I can't handle much more of that!

1 comments:

Callie Nicole said...

That would be sad to see your child like that! I'm so glad you are back to blogging!