Mom WoW- A Relocated Mom

Today we're hearing from Aly, who writes the hilarious and true blog, Aly's Bloggity Blog.  She's got two gorgeous little girls.  Her older daughter is too cool and her younger one has the best.hair.ever.  Check her out, follow her... she's great!

Aly recently moved from her hometown to California.  She left behind all of her family and friends and started a new life far from all she knew.  Today she's sharing with us what it's been like being a "relocated mom" and how she has learned to adjust. 

Support System

Before my family moved to California a few months ago, 2500 miles away from all of our friends and relatives, I accepted very little help when it came to my daughters. Sure, I took my mother in law up on babysitting every 8 weeks or so while I got my hair done, but I never took advantage of the free childcare for the 22 months that I had it. To be honest, I never thought I needed it. I stay at home with my girls and using a babysitter seemed like I was abusing the system a little. I mean, watching the kids was my job after all. Letting someone else watch them made me feel a little guilty. Plus, it feels awkward to accept help when it comes to my kids. I feel like I should do it all, all the time.

Then I moved to the other side of the country. I found myself with no mother in law, no mom, no grandmother or sisters in law or best friends close by to help with my girls. I sort of panicked. Who would be available for my hair appointments or, God forbid, when I got sick? Who would I call when I ran out of milk and needed someone to drop some off? I suddenly realized that the support system I took for granted back home was really an essential part of this whole parenting gig.

I did the only rational thing one could do when they find themselves in this predicament: I insisted that we move back home at once. Naturally, that didn't go over so well with JD. So, I prayed. I prayed for new friends that could be my California support system. Friends that could watch my kids when I am in a bind, friends to commiserate the terrible 2s with, friends to recommend pediatricians and grocery stores and kid-friendly places. And friends to be friends with, too.

Almost immediately, I made some friends and my support system was established. Having these women has made adjusting to our new life out here so much easier. I don't feel like I am completely alone each day. If I run out of milk or get sick, someone in my support system would have my back and come over. With milk. I have learned to treasure this help because most of the time, having a support system is not about the kids. It's about the mom. Sometimes the mom needs a break. Sometimes the mom needs to know that there are others who care enough about her to make themselves available to help out. Sometimes it is enough to know that there are people there to help, even if you don't need it.

So for the first time in my 26 months of motherhood, I am utilizing my support system. I now know the value of having people available to help a mama out. And not just for babysitting, but for encouragement and advice too. And fellowship. Sharing experiences is a huge part of the parenting journey. Having a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on is just as vital as having a trustworthy babysitter. That's what the support system is all about. And I have learned that having one and utilizing it makes all the difference in the world, whether you live near your family or 2500 miles away.

Mom WoW- The Working Mom

Today we'll hear from D over at Unpolished Parenting.  She is a mom of 2 and works full time.  I love her blog because she's so real about everything... not always sunshine and puppies, ya know?  She's taken a bit of a hiatus from blogging, but I'm hoping she'll be back soon. (Come back to us, D!)  After reading this post, I'm sure you'll be feeling the same way!

Recently, I’ve had several friends become pregnant for the first time.  Being that I am the veteran mom among my friends, they are always asking questions.  I hardly feel qualified; even with two kids.  But the first thing I tell them is that every child truly is different and what works for me may not work for you, and vise versa. 

My second words of wisdom I give to friends who are becoming new parents is that being a parent is the most wonderful and challenging thing you will ever do in your life.  You will spend more time questioning and doubting yourself than you imagine.  Your nights of sleeping soundly are over.  You will get frustrated and upset at your child, and then they will make your heart melt seconds later.

You find yourself resenting your spouse and having to work five times as hard on your relationship.  You will share the most intimate experience in the entire world with them, bringing you closer than ever.  You will lose your identity and wonder where “you” actually fit into the picture of being a parent and spouse.

You will learn that happiness is found lying on the floor with your kids – just staring at them, reading stories, acting silly.  You will have an ache in your heart the first time they get sick.  And as a mom returning to work, you will feel guilty for leaving your child and sometimes for wanting to go to work.

Every decision you make will leave you wondering if this choice will scar them later on in life.  Did I make her cry too long?  Was I too lenient with him when he threw his food on the floor? You will experience the joy of walking through the door and having your daughter’s eyes light up; she can’t hug you fast enough.

There are those first laughs of your baby that make you wonder how you ever functioned before that moment.  And those deep belly toddler laughs bring you to tears from laughing so hard. You will work sun up to sun down, and in between.  You will wipe snotty noses, kiss big crocodile tears, and talk about poop like you are just discussing the weather.  You will have a new found respect for your parents.

And you will wonder how you lived life without knowing the joys and sorrows of being a parent.

My two year lives on chicken nuggets and hot dogs, our house is anything but organized, and I have taken a 2 month hiatus from blogging because I can’t seem to keep up with everything.  I constantly struggle with having a dinner prepared even four days a week.  And I’m sad to say that there are days when the only affection my husband and I show each other is a quick kiss as we race out the door and head to work.

But we make it work.  We are big on hugs and forgiveness.  Some days we are not so patient with each other, but we have learned not to take every single thing so seriously.  We do please and thank you and I love you.  We say our prayers and give thanks for all of the amazing blessing God has given us.  Just be accepting and patience with your kids and spouse.  Find the silver linings in dark moments and savor the beautiful ones.

And above all, ask for help.  I know I said there are a million answers to every question, but if you find yourself worried or feeling alone, you will quickly learn there are parents out there who have been there.  Just knowing that one other person has survived the situation I am currently struggling with - whatever that may be - gives the confidence to push through one more day.

Mom WoW- The Military Mom

Today we have the sweet and awesome Stephanie from Doyles Days, blogging to us about her life as a military wife and mother.  She has spent about 50% of the time away from her husband, as he travels overseas to keep us all safe.  She's such a pilar of strength and has taught me not to be such a cry baby when Mau gets home late from work!

Words of Wisdom – Losing Control and Gaining Pride 

A couple weeks ago, I was so happy to see that Nicole had e-mailed me asking me to be a guest blogger on this awesome blog of hers. She asked me to write up some words of wisdom about being a military wife and mom. It was perfect timing because Jesse is about to reenlist for six more years tomorrow. This type of commitment has had us both weighing in on sacrifice and what it means to be in the military and whether our family has what it takes for him to make a career out of it.

I met Jesse my senior year of college about five and a half years ago. Jesse was and still is a C-17 loadmaster in the United States Air Force. It’s a really excited job that is considered “air crew”. It means that he travels all over the world and gets to be a part of exciting and crucial missions. His missions vary and include:

Humanitarian relief (like air dropping supplies to natural disaster victims)

Transporting vehicles, supplies, and people to war zones

Presidential support

Missile air drop testing

Deep Freeze (transporting people and supplies between New Zealand and Antarctica) 

He does really cool things! But, along with that comes a lot of time away from our family and in many cases on very short notice. He is usually away from home 200+ days every year. This time away comes in the form of four month deployments every year and missions that have a varying duration of five to thirty days at a time.

I remember crying over the fact that Jesse would miss a company Christmas party, our anniversary or a birthday. I both smile and laugh at that new military wife that I once was. It has gotten so much better since I stopped fighting it. It is what it is and as soon as you let go of control, you will be so much happier. Yes, it still is difficult and a little frustrating to not be able to plan things in advance or know what next week or even the next day will entail. But there is no sense in getting angry or hurt because there is no stopping the military. There is a bigger agenda for the men that support our country than whether their wives will have to cancel their scheduled girl’s night out.  If they say go, then they must go. It doesn’t matter if your brother is getting married the day after they are set to deploy or if your son’s birthday is during the time of the next mission, whatever comes up in the military world is going to trump any plans you may have. And you have to accept it and embrace the time that you do have together.

The second part of staying happy being a military family is finding extreme pride in what being a military family means. I wish I had this pride from the very beginning, but that would not be the truth. I have developed this pride and gratitude over the years and after seeing what my husband sacrifices and what others who serve give to be able to do so. I used to pity myself when he deployed and would play the poor me card. Now, I can honestly say that I am so honored to be able to serve this country by serving and supporting my husband and family while he is away serving our country. That change in mindset has made all the difference in how I feel in my role of being both a military wife and mother.

Those are the biggest words of wisdom I can give to those who are thinking of joining the military community, are new to it, or those who are struggling with the obstacles that being a military family puts in our way. Relax and find pride in what you are doing because there are so many people that are so appreciative of what you are doing, including myself.

Mom WoW- The Christian Mom

Today we're hearing from Callie Nicole as she writes on how to keep Jesus in the center of your home and teach your babies about His love.  She is such a powerful woman of faith and is always an encouragement to me.  She writes at Through Clouded Glass. 

First of all, thank you to Nicole for asking me to write a guest post!  I think this is a great idea, and I'm so excited to be a part of it!

As a new parent, you are a prime target for all kinds of advice.  Advice about infant care, advice about parenting, advice what kind of products to use.  People like to tell you what worked for them, and personally, I like hearing what worked for other people, so the advice usually doesn't bother me.  I've gleaned alot of useful tidbits from other's advice.

When I'm seeking advice on a certain subject though, I always go to my mom first, and the best bit of advice I've received on being a mom, particularly on being a Christian mom, came from her. 

The actual words came indirectly from her in the form of parenting resources she loaned me (more specifically, tapes from Jamie Womack - we don't agree with alot of what the Womack's have to say, but I appreciated alot of Jamie Womack's thoughts on parenting).  However, my mom gave me this advice in the form of her example long before I ever heard it elsewhere.

As a Christian mom, my greatest desire for my baby boy is that he would come to know the Lord at a young age.  I want to do my best to teach him about Jesus as soon as he can understand so that he will have that desire to follow Him.

Obviously there are alot of ways to go about teaching your children about Jesus, but for me all of that can be summed up in this bit of advice - saturate your children with God's Word.

Looking back I can see how my mom did this for my siblings and me - she sang us Bible songs, listened to Bible tapes with us, read us Bible stories, took us to Bible studies and Sunday School and church, prayed with us often.  We grew up knowing about Jesus, and it wasn't long before we had that desire to know Him personally as well.

It is my intention to saturate my kids with God's Word just as my mom did for me.

We've already started this in a way in our home.  As soon as we brought our son home from the hospital we started reading the Bible together as a family before bed.  We read Christian storybooks to him even though he can't understand them yet. I've started gathering Bible CDs and movies for when he gets old enough to understand.

It's not always going to be easy or like second nature (though I think it will probably get easier as I get in the habit of it).  I'm sure I will get tired of listening to kid's Bible music when we are riding in the car together.  But for the joy of hearing my baby singing about Jesus?  I'll listen to them hundreds of times for that. 

I might get tired of reading the same Bible stories over and over or watching the same old Christian kid's movies.  But for the blessing of having my children grow up loving those stories? Of having them know about Jesus at a young age?  For the blessing of instilling a love for the Lord in my kids so that choosing to follow Him is an easy decision?  All of it would be worth it.

One thing I'm coming to realize though is that I cannot saturate my kids with God's Word unless I am saturated with it myself.  This isn't a one-time, learn-it-and-your-done type of thing.  Being saturated with the things of God is a constant battle, a daily decision.  The world is trying so hard to get you to soak up everything it has to offer. 

I know I too often focus on secular things instead of things that are helpful to me in my walk with the Lord.  I want to change that though, so I can be a good example to my kids, like my mom was to me, and so I can give them the proper things to "soak up". 

I think for me this starts with taking my quiet time with the Lord a little more seriously again.  Reading a chapter of the Bible for two minutes before I fall asleep at night doesn't qualify, and I'm afraid that's the habit I've fallen into. 

I'm getting back into the habit of setting aside the time in the morning when I'm giving my son his bottle for my devotions, and this has worked really well for me.  Try to find a time that works for you to spend time with the Lord each day, and stick with it!  It makes a big difference for me, because if I start out my day soaking up God's Word, it's easier to pour that back out into those I interact with, most importantly my family! 

I hope you can find some encouragement from this post to begin saturating yourself and your kids with the Word of God - now is the time to start!  The blessing of having our children choose to follow the Lord infinitely outweighs all the time and effort we might put in.  I can't think of a better reward!

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

Mom WoW- The Newbie Mom

Please welcome Suzanne from Already Right Where I Belong as she offers up her words of wisdom on being a new mom!

Hot new momma, right there!

Already Right Where I Belong

I got really excited when Nicole asked me to do a guest blog and then I thought "OMG I have nothing to say!"  Then I thought "OMG I have a TON to say."  Then I thought "OMG I hope I don't come off as an ass."  And then I thought "Whatever I’m going for it."  That was all in the span of about 20 seconds.  Anyway, the lovely Nicole asked me to talk about Being a New Mom.  Well, I am right in the thick of "New Mom-ness" what with my 4 month old and all. 

Do you die over those cheeks or do you die?  I DIE!

I have learned so much in the last few months and it is incredible how much of it was just like "well of course that is what I'd do."  However, it is even more incredible how much of it was like "WTF IS GOING ON I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!"  Anyway, here are some of my tidbits of what I've learned over the last few months.

1)  Trust Your Gut - So, I am pretty sure that the nurses at my pediatrician’s office know me by my voice.  While some parents only go to their ped's office for well-baby visits, we have been for the following reasons: At about 3 weeks, his poop turned green (it was fine, normal, natural and nothing to cause concern); At about 5 weeks because we went to my cousin's pep rally at her middle school and he slept through the entire thing so I was convinced he couldn't hear (we got a hearing test, he can totally hear and just still had a very young and immature nervous system); Well baby visit (I went with a list of questions); He was sick with RSV (This was after I made two weekend phone calls); Check in after he had been using his nebulizer for a few days and hadn’t really changed.  That is a LOT of visits.   Also, you know when your baby needs to cry a little and when you need to swoop in and get him/her.  Trust your gut and even if you feel silly calling the doctor, you’ll be happy to be reassured.

2) “Thanks for your concern.” – If you are or have been pregnant, you know that everyone you come across will tell you what to do and how to do it and what you’ll do wrong and  you will never even have asked their opinion.  About once a week, I had someone tell me how much I would hate working after the baby was born and how I would want to quit my job and stay home with the babe.  Well, that wasn’t true. I am a worker. I like to work. I like to feel like I’m doing something.  I spent a shit-ton of money (sorry for the cursing, but I need to be that emphatic) getting my degrees and damn it I am going to use them.  Well, I got laid off really soon after coming back from maternity leave (is that typically legal? No.  Did it happen in a way that makes it legal? Yes.  If you want the specifics I’ll give them to you, but I’m not going into it).  Anyway, the best thing I learned to say was something along the lines of “OH thanks!  I appreciate it.” Or “Thanks for your concern.”  When really, all I wanted to say was “F OFF!” (I just censored myself which I rarely do, but don’t know how Nicole feels about it and don’t want to offend anyone else who may or may not have issues with excessive cursing.  You come to Nicole’s blog to read her words, not mine. You can find me cursing on my blog haha).  No matter what, people will give you unsolicited advice.  Take what you want/find useful and think about what color you’ll get on your next pedicure or your grocery list or how good a margarita would be right now when the others are blabbering on.  (What?  Just me?)  For example, I had a woman give me parenting advice left and right while I was all knocked up. (Yes, I am married. Yes, he was planned.  Yes, I still call it knocked up sometimes.)  I did not respect this woman as a parent so I would typically just think of other things and throw in the perfunctory “Oh ya, thanks.” and other phrases of the sort when she would talk. 

3) Nursing is great, but it will hurt, but then it will get better. – I thought something was terribly wrong when I started nursing because it hurt like a bitch!  I mean, I had sore, raw, cracked nipples.  My kid is a very fast nurser with a very strong latch.  Man, it hurt . . . for about a week or two and then it just didn’t.  I, being the slightly OCD person I am, did so much research before I gave birth about everything, including nursing.  And the one thing I read over and over was “If it hurts, you’re not doing it right.”  Well ya, like WEEKS down the road.  However, when you start out, IT FREAKIN HURTS!  Like “OMG NIPPLES ARE GOING TO FALL OFF AND DIE!!!”  But, like I said, it goes away.  I made good friends with the lactation consultants from the hospital where I delivered (their services are free if you delivered at that hospital) and called them regularly during those first few weeks.  They were life savers.  Also good things: Mother Love’s Nipple butter, Ameda hydro gels and some good old fashioned ibuprofen. 

4) Find “new mom: friends. – After my first trimester, I joined a prenatal yoga class and ended up with a couple friends from that class.  I also met a woman through Junior League who was a couple weeks ahead of me.  These women have become invaluable to me.  When you have grown kids/kids who haven’t been babies for a while you forget shit.  You forget that most babies don’t sleep through the night at two weeks (see above re “Thanks for your concern” to learn how to deal with these assholes).  You forget that things just happen.  When you have friends who have little ones, you get to go through things together.  It’s great.  Plus, you get to have play dates where moms gossip and just have adult conversations while babies do what babies do.  Trust me, you will want this.

Mom friends are the Best!

5) Newborn Clothes are BS! – Seriously, my kid was in his “newborn” clothes for about 2 weeks.  Granted, my 4 month old (as of January 6) is a GIANT (seriously, he’s close if not already to 20 pounds and like 26 inches.  GIANT!).  However, please don’t waste your money on a TON of newborn clothes.  If you have plenty of 0-3, those will suffice.  They may be a little big on your sweet babe at first, but they will quickly become “just right.”  Also, don’t pay attention on the “month” sizes on clothes.  Figure out what the sizes mean and go off of that.  For example, for Carter’s fleece jammies (which are THE BEST EVER), 9 month fits 16.5-20.5 pounds and 26.5-28.5 inches.  Now, I find that you can get a bit more wear out of these clothes than that, but seriously, focus on bigger clothes and just roll the sleeves/pants.

6) Google and Baby sites are your frenemies! – Asking what is going on with your baby will cause you to realize that everything is perfectly normal or cause you to believe the worst case scenario. If you’re freaked out, please refer to #1 above and call your ped.

7) Your baby will have opinions and MAKE THEM KNOWN – My sweet baby boy knows what he wants and damn it he will demand it.  If he is wet and we don’t get to it on the first “eh eh” whines, we are on the express train to Meltdown City; population: Me, B and LB; run by a little 20 pound dictator who rules with a piercing scream.  Learn your babe’s preferences and what they like/don’t like then live by it.  We were lucky that LB would take just about any bottle so long as there was milk.  However, he hated pacifiers until just a few weeks or so ago and even then he only likes 2, as in 2 pacis of the same type.

8) Speaking of preferences – It’s ok to take a pic of your baby’s fit before comforting him/her – Seriously, after a few months, you will start to laugh when your little one starts throwing a fit.  I’m so serious, it gets funny.  B and I have spent so much time making LB’s fuss face (along with all of his other faces) at each other and just rolling with laughter.  So for as much as this face is sweet:

This face is hilarious:

P.S. I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS go and comfort my baby after the photos.  Sometimes he is just ridiculous though.

9) Schedules are gold. – It is damn near impossible to start a schedule until, at the earliest, about halfway through the second month.  I let LB lead our schedule, but I watch the clock and make sure he goes down when he first starts showing tired signs.  I also make sure to stimulate him with play and books and talking as much as I can when he’s awake. 

10) You can never take too many photos or videos. – My boy is so tired of having his photo taken, but I will never tire of it. I have over 1000 photos of my kiddo already and he isn’t quite 4 months old. 

11) Get out of the house – I go to the grocery store and run other errands every Saturday.  That is my “me” time and I covet it.  I love my son and my husband more than anything, but sometimes, I need some “me” time and when I don’t get to run my errands, I get antsy.

I am sure there is so much more, but I can’t think of it right now and you are probably thinking “UGH won’t this broad just shut up!”  However, if you can’t get enough of me/want to ask me anything else, come on over to my little spot on the internet or email me at suzanne (dot) r (dot) Phillips (at) gmail (dot) com.