Nap Attack

We're having a bit of a problem at my house.

My 2 year old doesn't think it's important to sleep.

I know, I know, all of you moms out there are saying, "I hear ya, girl", but really... what IS it with toddlers and fighting sleep?  Holy cow!

Marco has always been a decent napper... he naps for about an hour and a half, but most days two full hours.  And when he was younger (and we lived in Greenville), he'd go to sleep around 8:30 with NO problem.  Everything changed when we moved.  I don't know if it's the fact that his grandparents are in the mix and they're softies... or that he's getting older, or a combination of the two, but night time sleep is a constant battle.

Most days we aim to get him in bed by 9.  I know that this is considered "late" to most of your standards, but remember we don't have school, so our schedule is less rigid.  Also, Mau doesn't get home from work till 6:30... so with bath time and dinner immediately thereafter, it doesn't leave a lot of time for him to enjoy the boys on the weekdays.  And, yes, 9 IS late... so we expect that when we put him in bed at 9, he be tired and go to sleep.  But that is not the case.

Some days, he is up and out of bed for TWO hours before he eventually falls asleep.  He uses the typical excuses... I have to do pee-pee, I have to do ca-ca, I'm thirsty, I need my cozy (blanket), I want water, I want ice... or I don't want ice (depending on if the cup has or doesn't have ice in it in the first place... manipulator!).  We find him standing up, standing in the corner, sneaking down the hallway, laying on the bathroom floor, in the corner of my room playing on my phone in the dark and worst of all, inside Jonas' crib, while poor Jonas is trying to sleep.

Sometimes it's gotten so late that both Mauricio and I have showered and are in bed and we're STILL battling Marco to go to bed so that WE can finally go to sleep.  It's horribly frustrating.  We have tried spanking, we have tried guard dog, we have tried locking him in his room, we have tried ignoring it... nothing seems to work.

Then we realized a pattern.  Like I said, he's a really good napper... maybe TOO good a napper.  On the days that he naps from say 1:30-4, he gives us a ridiculously hard time to go to sleep.  But, on the days he doesn't nap at all, he also gives us a hard time.  He becomes too over tired and super crankified.  So what's the perfect mix?  We're still looking for it.  We're trying to figure out how long Marco can nap for and still be tired for bed at 9.  Mauricio says a half hour, but I'm not ready for that.

You see, the real problem lies with me.  I am SO jealous for my mid-day break.  I need it.  I dream about it.  I've got to have it.  I absolutely adore nap time.  I sit and catch up on my blogs or my shows, I have a private lunch, I do my Bible study and I do my Vest.  The Vest takes 20 minutes, so while I'm enjoying my shake, I usually do my Bible study.  So the minimum break time I can have is 20 minutes.

The last few days, I've begun testing him.  On day 1, I gave him an hour and a half.  It was too long... he was difficult that evening.  On day 2, I gave him an hour... it was better.  And on day 3, I gave him 45 minutes... this was the best I think.  I also have to be sure that his morning activity is highly stimulating... either physically or mentally.

I know he still NEEDS to nap.  On days we go out for an activity, he IS tired in the early afternoon and he'll even ASK me to go to sleep a bit.  On days we stay in, skipping the nap is a possibility and probably best for everyone.  Of course I feel bad waking him and "depriving him" of sleep, but I feel like he needs night time sleep more than day sleep.

This is what is recommended for Marco via this guide on WebMD, "Most children from about 21 to 36 months of age still need one nap a day, which may range from one to three and a half hours long. They typically go to bed between 7 and 9 p.m. and wake up between 6 and 8 a.m."

This is pretty spot on.  Marco is on the latter side of the recommendation... he goes to sleep at 9 and wakes up by 9... he's sleeping about 11 hours at night.  And as far as the nap goes, we've got to keep playing with those numbers... maybe someone should come up with a formula for me.

Level of morning activity/ hours of night-time sleep = nap time length.

I'm no mathamagician. 

Wearing Me Down

Alright guys.  I know you've read post after post about how I must win over my kids.  About how they have to be reared now in order for me to have the upper hand in the future.  About sticking to my game plan.

But guess what?  I'm tired.  Really, really tired.

Nearly every night either Marco or Jonas is waking up and making our lives unbearable.  For Marco, usually it's around 2:30.  He sneaks into my room and wants to come into bed with us.  The game plan was to walk him back to his bed and tuck him in without saying a word.  No "go night-night", no "MARCO!", no anything... just silence.  Kinda like a zombie... a very tired zombie.  But what I didn't anticipate was that this kid would have more endurance than me!  We went through this routine for 2 hours the other night.  From 2:30 to almost 5.  I was done... done.

When he does this for 2-3 days in a row, that's it, I'm completely exhausted.  At that point I don't even care about our stupid "game plan".  Screw the "game plan", I'll do anything for more sleep.  By the third night, I just sent Mauricio to sleep with him so we could all get some rest.  Marco-1, Us-0.  He got his way... he won that battle.

The worst is if he wakes up Jonas in all this mess.  Then we've really lost.  It's incredibly difficult to get TWO babies back to sleep.  So in this case, we divide and conquer deal with it.  I take Jonas and try to get him to sleep in my bed, while Mau goes to bed with Marco.  Again, Kids-1, Us-0.

But sometimes Jonas wakes up on his own, and for no apparent reason.  When this happens, the situation is controllable and bearable because it's just him.  We always rush into his room and scoop him up before he wakes up Marco.  If he wakes Marco, all bets are off.  Usually we can get him back to sleep pretty easily... but in our bed.

So it's a good night when we go 8-10 hours with no one crying, no one sneaking into our bed, and no one waking up in the bed that's not theirs.  But, unfortunately, this only happens 2-3 nights a week.  I'm starting to develop anxiety before bed time because I know it's just a matter of time before someone starts whimpering or climbing out of their beds.  I've got a good 3 hours of sleep before the most annoying wake up call begins to scream.

Truth is, I have no desire to parent from 11pm-8am.  I don't want to do it.  But I have to.  Guys, I'm at a loss here... I don't know how we're going to do it... how we're going to survive this.  It might possibly be worse than having a newborn... because at least a newborn has a reason to be waking up!  But Marco and Jonas have NO good reason, other than brattiness.

Readers:  I need help.  A word of advice.  A word of encouragement.  Many words of prayer.  Please?

Grow, Baby- But Let Me Sleep

Jonas is going through a pretty big growth spurt right now.  This is awesome for him!  He was weighed today, and at 8 weeks, he's 5 lbs 2 oz.  He's no longer fitting in his premie wear (primarily due to height) and will only be in premie diapers till we run out.  Yay!  Awesome for him, right?... Utterly exhausting for me!

When Marco went through his first growth spurt, I was told "Turn on Netflix, sit on the couch and feed him for 2-3 days".  Sounds easy... and it wasn't so bad... but that's because it was JUST Marco.  Now, it's 2!  I can't just sit on the couch without rising for 2-3 days to feed Jonas.  I need to feed, change, clothe, play with and attend to my other child to.  And while I do that, Jonas is screaming bloody murder the ENTIRE time!

Jonas gets so worked up while waiting to be fed, that once he gets on the boob, he falls asleep!  So, I pull him off, burp him gently and try to put him down... where upon he wakes up and realizes he's STILL hungry!  It's a vicious cycle.

The worst is at night.  I get so frustrated and angry.  Once I'm sleep deprived, it's not a pretty sight.  Last night, Jonas fed at 11:30, 2:30, 4:00 and 7:00.  He only went longer on the last stretch because he was sleeping in our bed.  By that point, I was a cry baby myself.  As I said, it was not a pretty sight... I threw a tantrum, like a toddler!  Kicking sheets, crying, tossing myself from one side of the bed to the other... the works.  Thankfully, I have an understanding (and amazing) husband who got up and brought him to our bed.  Although my response at that time was, "I don't want Jonas to sleep with us, get him out of here! (REAL mature!).

I am so lucky that Mauricio is willing and eager to get up and take some of the feedings off my hands.  On weekends, we trade off, every other feeding, during the night.  I still have to wake up to pump, but that's only 10 minutes, versus the 30-45 that a normal feeding would take.  During the week, Mau wakes up for the early morning feeding (5:30 or 6am) and lets me sleep in.

Then this morning, when Mauricio got up to feed him in the early am, so I could catch a few more zz's, he made a mistake with grand repercussions.  He tried to microwave Jonas' bottle.  Two problems with this:  1. You NEVER nuke breast milk, and 2. The Dr. Browns bottle apparently couldn't handle the microwave because it got pierced somehow, making it unusable.  He didn't mean to do it, but had morning brain and got confused between Marco's bottle (which we microwave) and Jonas' bottle (which we heat in a glass of hot water).  What are the grand repercussions?  Well, that was the ONLY one we had... so until I get my butt back to the store, I'm flying solo through this growth spurt.

I just have to continue to tell myself these two simple words over and over and pray that I can get through... "It's Temporary"!  This is my LAST baby, and each growth spurt is one of my last ones ever. They say to "enjoy every minute"... but these are some minutes I don't think I'll EVER learn to enjoy.

Bewitched

I have been debating as to whether or not I should write this post, as it shows a darker side of motherhood that is neither happy or quite sane.  However, I feel that it would be unfair for me to depict motherhood as puppies and rainbows all the time, when that is not the case.  It would be unfair to my readers who are not yet mothers to not know the truth, the whole (sometimes ugly) truth, about what goes on in a mother's mind.  So, here I go... don't judge me.

Being a new mom to an infant is sometimes extraordinarily frustrating.  My baby is calm, quiet and content for the entire day... until... the bewitching hour.  The "bewitching hour" is a time of day that every baby decides to be fussy... uncontrollably and inconsolably fussy.  You feed your baby and yet he/she is still exhibiting hunger signs.  You try to offer the paci, but your baby just spits it out in a fury.  You try rocking, shushing, back patting, and everything else you've ever read about, but nothing works.  This is just HIS TIME to be unconsolable.

For Marco, this time occurred everyday for about 3 months at 6 o'clock in the evening.  Poor Mauricio would come home from work and Marco would scream in his face for a full hour or more.  He took it personally... "my baby doesn't like me".  I understood that it was just his bewitching hour and that it would soon pass.  At 6 in the evening, I was cool and calm... BUT ask me how I was at 3 am?  CRAZY!  If he'd begin to be inconsolable in the middle of the night, I'd begin to feel helpless and desperate.

Jonas' bewitching hour(s) usually begins around 10pm and lasts till after midnight.  This is extremely frustrating to us because we WANT TO SLEEP!  It's like he decides that he's going to be awake at the exact moment that we want to go to bed.  He had his chance to be awake all day, but nooooooo.

Every new mother can expect to be tired, but do not be fooled... real exhaustion sets in about week 3.  After about 3 weeks of minimal sleep, your mind begins to lose it.  In fact, I've heard (but I'm too lazy to look it up to verify it's validity) that in war, sleep deprivation is a form of torture.  However, there are war laws against the amount of time a person is limited in sleep.  I believe that they must allow a minimum of 3-4 hours uninterrupted sleep, or else it is considered a war crime.  If this is true, then our babies are LITERALLY torturing us!  I have not slept more than 3 hours at a time in 6 weeks.

Sleep deprivation does some crazy things to our minds, and we must remain aware of the situation and rely on the support of our husbands, or it'll be easy to snap.  When a baby is crying uncontrollably and nothing seems to work, I can EASILY see how a slightly less sane person would snap and do something drastic, like shake their baby.  At one of my most desperate moments, I remember standing in the kitchen with Marco at 4 am, both of us crying, and for a split second I had a crazy thought that scared the CRAP out of me... maybe if I put Marco in the freezer for a few minutes, he'll stop crying.  WHAT?!?!  Then the guilt that comes after thinking such a horrible and morbid thing just eats you up.  What kind of a mother am I?  Now I know... a tired one.

This time around, my skin is a little thicker.  Jonas' cries don't get to me the same way Marco's did.  I can ignore it a little easier.  I wont lie though, there have been moments where I want to put my hand over his face.  Thankfully, I have an amazing husband there with me 100% of the way and TOGETHER we keep it sane.

For those of you new mommies or soon-to-be moms who follow my blog, a piece of advice.  Be VERY aware of what's going on in your mind and emotions.  When you feel loopy, get help!  You can not do it ALL by yourself and it's ok to force your husband out of bed (even if he has to work in the morning).  When you need to sleep, wake up your husband and have him give the baby a bottle.  You are still a super mom, even if you need help every once in a while.

This book helped me learn how to soothe my babies and gave me a little extra amo during the first 3 months... I highly recommend it.

One Nap or Two... that is the question.

Have you noticed that as a new parent, the silliest and simplest things occupy your thoughts with countless questions and thus create unnecessary anxiety?  How many oz should I feed my 2, 7, 18 month old?!  Should I rock to sleep or let him CIO (cry it out)?  How do I get all the necessary veggies into his diet?  These questions will keep you up at night, tossing and turning!
My latest question has been should Marco have one nap or two?  If it was up to me, I'd say 5 naps a day!  But, alas, it is not up to me.  I know that as he begins to move into toddlerhood, he'll be also moving into the afternoon nap schedule, but how will I know when he's there?
For the past two months or so, we've been on a schedule that is roughly 3 hours awake, 1-1.5 hours napping.  Therefore, if we are out of bed by 8:30 (because I REFUSE to get up earlier), he's napping by 11:30 and then is typically up by 1.  After that he naps again at 4 for a short one, usually less than an hour.  I know what you're thinking... THAT's A LATE NAP!  And, yes, it is... but while most babies are getting tucked in and sleeping with the angels at 7:30, my little night owl doesn't go to bed till about 9.  It's all my fault, too.  Since I work evenings, sometimes till 7:30, our night-time routine doesn't start till then... with dinner, bath, treatment (he's still on his nebulizer for his premature lung disease), nursing, bed.
But, I'm getting off the subject.  Should I push for only ONE nap?  Today I gave it a try... and I know it's only noon, but that goes to show you that I FAILED!  I tried to give him lunch before his nap, but he was rubbing his face and rejecting the food, so I just put him down.  I don't see how it'll work with him only having one nap if he's going to sleep so late!  Let's say he does have one nap, from 1-3 (God, that would be amazing)... then he's expected to be up and functionally happy from 3-9ish?  DANG, that's a long time!
Both Bea and Carol tell me that I am the one that determines nap time AND length.  They say, "if naptime is from 12-2, then baby stays in the crib for that time.  He can choose if he wants to sleep or scream, but either way, he stays in his crib until naptime is OVER".  Bea said that the baby will learn to sleep longer and get used to the schedule.  I believe her, but it's hard!
So, for now, I guess I'll keep with the 3 hours awake (or maybe push to 3.5 hours), followed by a nap.  UNLESS, any of my loyal readers have another suggestion, I'd love to hear it!