Not by me, but by Him

Some may say my life has been one of meeting my obstacles head on, not allowing life to get me down, but moving forward always.  I can agree.  My life has not been easy, but the grace of God has always guided and strengthened me.  I have so many examples of which I can write, but I will choose one.

After being married to the love of my life for a ful year, we decided it was time to start thinking about bringing a little "us" into the picture.  We prayed abou tit and decided to consult my doctors about the decision.  Since I had always lived with major health difficulties, it was important to get the green light from them before proceeding with our plans.

I made an appointment with my Pulmonologist and informed him of our plan to conceive.  He looked at me with skeptical eyes and with very little sympathy in his voice, he said, "That's probably not a good idea.  You should just adopt, but don't risk having your own children".  I sat in my paper gown atop the examination table and began to shiver.  Tears swelled in my eyes and poured down my cheeks as my dreams of having my own children started to evaporate.  How could he dismiss all of my dreams and desires in one simple sentence?  I was devastated.

Mauricio and I began to pray feverishly about what God had planned for our life.  He had always made a way for us and given me strength to do things beyond the limitations set for me by others.  He reminded me of all the things He pulled me through in the past.

* When I was a 5th grader and I wanted to be a cheerleader, people said it wasn't a good idea.  But I did it anyway.  Although I was quite possibly the worst cheerleader in the history of cheering, I completed the season.

* When I was 16 and they told me I needed a lung transplant and would no longer live the life of a normal teen, I proved them all wrong.  Time and time again I was TOO healthy to recieve a transplant and kept on getting skipped on the list for people who needed a lung for a life or death situation.  Eventually they pulled me off the list all together.

*  When I was applying for college and wanted to be an Opera major, the professors and administration said it wasn't a good idea.  My lungs did not have the capacity to handle the rigor of the repertoire.  And my arthritis would be affected too greatly with the staging and long days on my feet.  But I did it anyway.  And I graduated on time!

*  When I wanted to move out on my own and begin working, people said it wasn't a good idea.  They said I should stay near my family in case something happened.  They said I wouldn't be able to handle working full time with children and maintain my own house.  But I did it anyway.  And I was good at my job too!

God pulled me through all of these things that mere man said I could not do.  I realized it wasn't by my efforts, but by God's grace.  I realized that if he pulled me through those petty and insignificant desires, how much more would he grant me the true desire of my heart... to be a mom.  We decided to trust in Him completely.

In October of 2008, we conceived my first son, Marco and decided to move 700 miles away from our family.  People said we were crazy to have a baby and do it all by ourselves while being so far from my family.  People said we couldn't afford to live off of one income, to allow me to be a stay-at-home-mom. People said we would struggle.  And when we conceived our second son, Jonas, they said it all again.  But we are doing it anyway!  And not by our hands, but by God's hands, which guide us every single step of the way.


Heloisa said...

Dear Nicole ... your words are like balm to my soul .... I am very grateful to God for being a person of his family, I am touched with your beautiful story, I can not hold back my tears because I do not know someone so wonderful, fighter .. I think that with all this beautiful stuff that you should start writing your book, will be a Best Seller! sure!
God continue to richly bless your beautiful family, health, and guide your steps!
You're a wonderful girl!

Unpolished Parenting said...

Amen Momma! :) You have a beautiful story and having faith in God and his grace has made you quite a fighter. Beautiful post!

Decva said...


I've been reding your blog for quite a while now and am loving it. But this post has surpassed all others! You are such a beautiful person and so inspiring!

I wish you and your family all the best in life.

Greetings from Slovenia,


Callie Nicole said...

Love this post, Nicole! We can do all things through Him who gives us strength!