A Horrible Honeymoon

Today I will recount to you a horrible journey that began 5 years ago today... no, not my marriage... my honeymoon.

Every girl dreams about her wedding day... the flowers, the cake, the guests, the DRESS.  But they also dream about their honeymoon... the sun, the sand, the romance, the SEX.

We had our wedding, it was beautiful.  Then we spent two nights in a luxurious and modern hotel in downtown Miami.

 Then we headed off to our exotic week long vacation at an all-inclusive hotel in Puerto Plata,  Dominican Republic.

The first day, everything was ok.  We were a little disappointed with the hotel, but we kinda let it go seeing as the DR is a 3rd world country and all.  The room had a kitchenette, a living area, a bedroom with a balcony and a bathroom... none of which were luxurious.  The worst part was that there was a "window" that was basically an opened wall between our bedroom and the hallway with a wooden shutter covering.  No glass.  Not soundproof.  On our honeymoon.  In our bedroom.  You trackin'?

Anywayyyyy...

We go down to the buffet and the food was good.  I was careful not to drink any water... but I was not so careful about eating salad.

The next morning, I woke up with a TERRIBLE stomach flu.  Terrible.  Disgusting.  On my honeymoon.

I spent the next two days between the bed and the bathroom, not eating a morsel of the food we had already paid for, watching bad Spanish tv.  I was miserable.

And the sex?  What sex?  Sex and a stomach flu just dont' mix!

On one of the days, I was strong enough to make it out to the sand for a few hours and we decided to book an excursion.  I had had big plans of doing several awesome excursions throughout the course of this trip, but we were only able to do this one.

We booked it for the following day.  A bus picked us up and took us through the city.  It was really sad to see the children running beside the bus asking for candy while rich American's tossed it out the window... (I made a mental note to bring toothbrushes to toss out the window the next time I go).  We ended up at a trail where we had to hike through brush and streams in order to reach a waterfall.  From there, we could climb further to see more falls.

 Remember, I had not eaten in 3 days... I had survived on Saltines and Gatorade.  I had zero energy.  I couldn't walk more than 20 steps without feeling fatigued.  This is when I learned that my dear new husband really loved me... he CARRIED me to the waterfall.  Like 5 miles.  On his back or in his arms or over his shoulder.  But basically somehow, we got to the first waterfall... just barely.  Then we had to  turn around and go back... carried again.

I was dragging my @ss... it's about this point where he just decided to carry me.  My shirt is quite fitting, don't you think?

So the next few days continued to be the way the first few had.  I would leave my room for small intervals to go lay on the sand.

this is my sick face... not my sexy face.

I wasn't finally feeling better until the day we had to leave.  It was my happiest day.  I couldn't wait to get back to the luxuries of the States and have some good ol' American food!

I crossed every line that shouldn't be crossed that early in a marriage.  Any noise or smell that he hadn't heard or smelled before the wedding, he certainly had during that trip!  There was no mystery left between us.

So that's the story of our Honeymoon.
Not luxurious.
Not romantic.
Not sexy.

I think we need a re-do, don't you?!