Creating Rhythm for Relationships

As I previously mentioned, I'm reading a fab book all about mom's and the connections we make.  So far it's really making me analyze my life and dream about our future.

Along with each chapter are two questions that you are to answer as a "homework assignment".  I decided to throw them on here, in case you wanted to read the book and follow along with the homework.  Also a way for me to really lay it all out there.

This is homework for part 2: Creating a Rhythm for Relationships.

Game Night
What is your family famous for?

1.  What is your most celebrated family tradition or routine?
Since Mauricio and I have only been a "family" for 5 short years, and have had children even less than that, we haven't really developed any traditions yet.  We hope to develop our own traditions when the boys get a little older, but we're not into "forcing things".  
I guess a routine we enjoy is that we spend Sundays all together... from sun up to sun down.  We go to church, have lunch, take naps and enjoy the afternoon.  Sunday is family day... our Sabbath.  I would like to keep that day "sacred" for as long as possible.  Relaxing and getting ready for a new week!

2.  What is one part of your family routine you wish you could discontinue or adjust?
Waking up early! haha... seriously.  I wish the boys would just sleep until  9... that's all I ask.  But here's the kicker... I know that once they're teens, they'll be sleeping till 1 and I'll be begging for them to wake up earlier.  We're never happy, are we?

Pinochle and Bingo
Aunts, uncles and extended family

1.  Why is extended family life-giving for me?  What do I cherish most about this group of people?
In this chapter, it discusses how extended family is now our very own parents.  It's a hard concept to grasp... now that we've built our own family, our own parents and siblings move into an outer ring.  My extended family is life-giving for me because they are so supportive.  My in-laws have graciously opened the doors of their home to us for nearly a year now.  My mother drives 2 hours to come help me with the boys.  My parents continue to help us financially when needed.  But not only do I love what they DO for me... I love spending time with them... hearing their stories, talking, joking, seeking advise, praying.  They enrich my life.

2.  Why is extended family exhausting to me? Where do I struggle with this group?
Holidays.  I dread them.  We feel like we're being pulled and guilted in a hundred ways.  We hear a lot of "you spent 3 hours with them and only 2.5 with us!" and we try to make everyone else happy, except for ourselves.  Someone is always last on the list, has the shortest amount of time and gets their feelings hurt.  Because, while we've created a new family, we are STILL their family... so where do you draw the line?  We're still working on this balance... and unfortunately it just gets more complicated with kids. 

Ring Toss
Balancing our marriages

1.  What is the best memory/moment from your marriage?
Oh my, there are so many wonderful moments from my marriage, but one particularly comes to mind.  It was about 7 months after Jonas was born and Marco was on the brink of turning 2.  We lived up in Greenville, so finding alone time was sparse as babysitting was much more complicated.  My MOPS group won a challenge and our prize was a night of free babysitting!  Best.Prize.EVER.  It just so happened that it was on the same night as Mauricio's company picnic... each summer his company would buy out part of the Greenville Drive's game and we would all eat free food and watch the game. Although this was typically a kid friendly event where most people brought their kiddos along, we decided to make it an adults evening.  And it was awesome.  My bestie was there with her 3 kids, but we didn't even hang with them because I wanted to be around grown ups for ONE evening... she understood.  We had a few adult beverages and hung out with some of the young people in his job... either newly married or just dating... made me feel young and fun again!  No "mom-responsibilities".  Mauricio and I really connected again and it dawned on me... Of course I LOVE my husband... but I also really LIKE him too.  We have so much fun together.  It was so refreshing to put aside our parent hats for the night and just be together.  Needless to say, we were the LAST ones picking up our kids from babysitting... 15 minutes late!

2.  When have you felt the least connected to one another?
Probably about 3 months after having Jonas.  It was the winter months in Greenville... a lot of time spent indoors.  I was lonely.  I was frustrated and tired.  I was blaming him for anything and everything.  I now know that I must have been going through some minor post partum depression.  It lasted about 5 months.  I finally came out of it when I realized that I was asking, begging, demanding my husband to "complete me" when only Jesus can do that.  I stopped doing things to gain his attention and began doing it for Him instead.  My heart was more fulfilled and it took a whole lot of pressure off of Mauricio.  Things started getting better after that. 

BFF's and other anxious acronyms

1.  Which women do you find it most easy to connect with in your daily routine?
It's easiest for me to connect with other women during the day.  I try not to be on the phone when Mauricio is home because I want our family time to be sacred and intentional.  I don't talk to anyone on weekends.  My friend Carol is also a SAHM, so we chat almost daily, during the daytime.  I also talk with my mom throughout the day, since she is retired and home as well.  I'm finding that I'm connecting more and more with the ladies from my MOPS group and trying to be intentional about getting together with them by dropping them a text or FB message.  

2.  Which women offer companionship that you would prefer to avoid?
Women who are always doing "Girls Nights".  Now, I have nothing wrong with the occasional "girls night", but no, I wont be going on a "girl's weekend" with you and no, I wont be doing a monthly "girls night" either.  I would be beyond pissed if Mauricio went on "boys nights/weekends", so I hold myself to that as well.  Besides, I WANT to be with my husband... no offense ladies, but he's WAY more attractive then all of you!  And any free time I have, I want to be with him.  So, basically girls that are always pressuring me into this becomes exhausting.  

Connecting with your community

1. Which ideas within this chapter are within my comfort zone to incorporate?
I think I'm being more invitational lately.  I am trying to get together with different people on a weekly basis to build relationships and make new friends.  I felt very lonely upon moving to Miami... a city I grew up in!  And I know that a lot of SAHM's in Miami feel lonely too because there are so few of us! One thing I'd like to work on is inviting people to my home without feeling embarrassed.  Right now, we live with my in-laws... that alone is embarrassing in itself!  But when we have our own home, I know it wont be clean (you've been warned)... I know we'll be missing furniture or some of it will have stains on it and scratches deep into the wood.  I want to not care about these things!  My new friend, Nicole (don't you love her already), invited me to her house the DAY I met her!  I asked her if she was sure that she wanted me with my two crazy boys to come over her house?  She said, (and I'll never forget), "there is nothing in my house, that if broken, I will be upset over".  What an attitude!  And she has let me and my clan come over several times and make a stinkin' mess of her house, eat her food and leave... and she STILL invites us back for more.  She's a keeper, I tell ya!  

2.  Which ideas in this chapter would unsettle me too deeply to incorporate at this time?
I'm not unsettled by it, but I think I'd be nervous because it seems unnatural.  To go outside and meet my neighbors and forge a relationship with them.  Sure, I've thought about it, but it feels soooooo forced.  "Howdy neighbor!"  There's a lady on our cul-de-sac that just had a baby a few weeks ago.  They had a huge "It's a Boy" banner hanging over their door.  I had the desire to bake her something and bring her a magazine, a MOPS invite and go by for a quick "hello", but I just COULDN'T.  I was too nervous.  But who knows... maybe she needs a friend?  Maybe she's a new SAHM and lonely like I was?  I should have!  I regret that... but now, maybe I'm too late.  It would be weird now, right?  See... I'm STILL nervous about if!  ARG! 


Rita said...

Silly Girl, didn't your mommy teach you to go up to people and say, "Hi, My Name is Nicole, what's yours...."etc.?!?!? LOL!!