The Cuban Mother's Curse

I'm not sure if this is simply the Cuban mother's curse, or if it knows no racial boundaries.
Forgetting your own child's name.

I grew up as an only child until I was 10 when my father remarried and I gained a brother through marriage, and then my mother remarried a year later and I gained 3 more siblings through marriage.  Before this, I was an only child, hence there should be no reason that my mother would forget MY name, however, the curse was ever prevalent.  Countless times I'd be called the name of my mother's sister followed by an apologetic "Nicole".
 
But as I grew and so did our family, the names kept piling on... Occasionally I would respond to any number of names... "Lorraine", "Monique", "Mariah", "Natalie".  Usually I was the only one home, so I figured she was talking to me.  My favorite was always when I'd get the long combo name followed by a swift Cuban curse, "Lorrainemoniquemariahnatalie-AY COÑO SU MADRE- NICOLE!" As if it was MY fault she couldn't remember the name of her own daughter.

But you know how they say the tables will turn?
They have.

I have two sons... and yet, I can't get there names together.  I spend my life yelling
"JO-Marco!"
or
"MA-Jonas!"

It has gotten so bad that my kids actually make fun of me... only 3 and 4 and they have a good laugh at their mother's expense.  Ay, que me espera! I'm afraid to know what awaits me when these boys are teenagers!

So as soon as I let that little "Jo" slip before calling for Marco, he's already laughing and asking me "What do you want JO-Mama?!"  Can you believe the nerve of that kid!?  What a smarty pants!
And of course Jonas joins in the fun... "MA-Jonas?! Noooo... that's not my name!"

If only I could just get it right... I technically should be able to do this seeing as I named them.  But alas, The Cuban Mother's Curse has inevitably taken hold.

The Only Lonely SAHM

Yesterday I wrote a whole post about my doubts and trusting in the Lord to guide us.  Well, this one is my largest doubt/fear.  I fear that I am going to be the only SAHM in Miami and thus be very lonely.  Sure, my weekends will be fun filled with family gatherings, parties and more food than I can stuff my face with, but what will my Monday-Friday 8-5 look like?

Living in Greenville has given me the opportunity to meet SO many SAHM's... it's ridiculous.  Actually, there are probably more SAHM's than working moms.  It's just the culture here.  Life here is also catered to SAHM's.  There are tons of clubs, groups, meet ups, parks, festivals, classes, etc that are all geared towards small children and their moms.  I always had tons to do during the work week, but my weekends were sparse.

In Miami, things are very different.  For one, the cost of living is so high that typically both parents NEED to work just to pay off their rent or mortgage.  Also, it is in Miami fashion to bite off more than you can chew, thus leaving no other choice but to have to work.  For example, newlyweds will usually buy a house and new cars thinking of both salaries combined... when baby comes along, they realize they can't lose that other salary and maintain their lifestyle.  So, they get Abuelita to help out with the baby while mom goes back to work.  This isn't always the case, but it is a lot... did I piss anyone off right now?  Oh well.  I hope I don't have to one day eat those words, but it's important for me to stay home with my kids and it's worth the sacrifice.  We do not live a lavish lifestyle... for cryin' out loud, I still drive the same car I did while in High School, mmm-ok?

But, I digress... my point is that there are few SAHM's in Miami.  My sister-in-law Christy confirmed this the other day.  She flat out told me I was going to have a hard time finding things to do during the day and people to hang out with.  Then I started thinking about it... I have a bunch of friends that have kids... but they all work.  I don't think I know ANY SAHM's in Miami.  Oh Jeez!

Maybe the only women in Miami that can afford to be SAHM's are married to doctors.  And if you are and you're reading this... you're new BFF awaits.  Seriously, especially if you wanna fly me to Paris (like in Bridesmaids).  I'm totally kidding... maybe... call me. 

So I started to do a little research.  First thing I did was try to find a local MOPS group.  I was a member here for 2 years and it was a great way to meet local SAHM's that are Christian.  Well, just to give you an example... in Greenville, there are over 5 groups to choose from.  In Miami, there is 1... ONE... UNO... that's it.  Then there's one in Miramar... one in Ft. Lauderdale... one in Boca... one in West Palm.  These are majorly big cities and they only have ONE group?!  It leads me to believe one of two things: a) There just isn't a need because there aren't many SAHM's or b) There just isn't a need because there aren't many Christians.  Oh goodness, I hope it isn't the latter.

I then went to meetup.com to see if I could find a group that did play dates here and there.  I find a "Fabulous Moms Group" that meets up for mani/pedi's and cocktails... that's not what I'm looking for.  Then there's a "Lose the Baby-weight Group"... also not interested.  Then, this one I thought was funny, "Liberal Parents of Little Kids"... it literally says, "Obama-voting, and intellectually driven", you know because if you didn't vote for Obama you're a dumb@ss (not that I care even a little bit about politics, but still... seriously, how is that a kids group?).  But that still wasn't my favorite... this was, "FLASH- Florida Atheist and Secular Humanist Parents" with a picture that reads "Being a good person doesn't require God... don't believe in God? You're not alone".  Ho-Ly-Cow.  Toto, we're not in the Bible Belt anymore.

I have contacted the MOPS group in Miramar and will be joining them in September and I will continue to look at meetup.com and try out a few of the less fabulous, more kid-loving groups.  Hopefully I wont be the only lonely SAHM in Miami.  I've gotta find a mommy posse.

But in all seriousness, if you're reading this and you ARE a SAHM in Miami (even if you're not married to a doctor and willing to fly me to Paris), please let me know.  You can FB me or email me at tablefor4.nicole@gmail.com. 

The Rudest Kids in All of SC

Pretty sure I'm going to have the rudest kids in all of South Carolina... and it's all my fault.  I've begun to notice that there are certain manners that a 2 year old does know, or should know, that I never even thought about teaching.  I've also noticed that there are certain manners that pertain to "the South" that all the children know, but which I have no desire to teach my children.  Hmmm, yep, we will be frowned upon here in the South.  Oh well.

Please and Thank You:  You might think this to be odd, but it never really dawned on me to enforce this.  Yes, I usually say "please", or if I don't then I always say "thanks"... but it's never been a big deal around our house.  Growing up, my parents never did the whole, "what do we say..?" or "what's the magic word?" thing.  I asked for something and got it.  In fact, my mom has actually told me that saying "please" amongst family seems so formal and almost like begging, so she doesn't like it.  She feels like it would be her pleasure to do something for me, so I don't have to be all, "pretty please with a cherry on top, would you pleeeeaase give me a glass of water".  A simple, "Hey mom, can you get me a glass of water... thanks" is sufficient.

But I know that this is highly unacceptable... and not just in the South.  I watch parents withhold food or toys from their children until they recite those magical words.  I just don't have it in me.  So I've been trying to teach Marco to say "thanks" after receiving something... but only to outsiders, not to me.  And, if he doesn't say it, it's no big deal to me either.  Blame me... I'm the rude one, not them!

Yes Ma'am, No Sir: The rules of the South are different than those of Florida.  Yes, Florida is technically in "the south", but it couldn't be further from southern culture.  The farther south you drive, the more liberal, atheistic, and hot it gets... (sounds like Hell to a lot of Southerners... haha).  But I digress.  Here in the South, it is customary for children to answer adults with a formal "Yes, Ma'am... No, Ma'am... Yes, Sir... No, Sir".  I had NEVER heard of this before moving here.  Never.  I thought that was military talk.  But apparently it's not.  Apparently, that's the way mothers want to be referred to by their babies.  Maybe I just don't get it.  Although, yes, it is polite, it also rigid and cold.  Personally, I don't want my children to call me Ma'am.  Uhhh, I don't want ANYONE to call me Ma'am... I'm too young still! Every time someone calls me Ma'am, I'm taken aback.  Like, who are you calling Ma'am?!

I don't see how saying, "yes, Mom" or "no, Mom" is any less polite... and yet it's so much more loving and personal.

Miss Nicole, Mr. Mauricio:  It is customary for children to call adults by their first names, but adding a Miss or Mr in front of it.  Again, this was not something I grew up doing and had NO IDEA it was normal.

I remember calling my pre-k teacher Miss Christy, but that was just for her.  Then, when I was 14 and moved to a church that had a few American women in it, we called them Miss Linda and Miss Joy, but everyone else was by their first names only... Anne, Vivian, Rosana, Nilsara.  To all of my friends' parents, I called them by their first names if I knew it... Candice's mom was Martica, Natalie's mom was Olga, Jennifer's mom was Lilly (or Silly Lilly).  There was never any formalities.  If in the case that I didn't know their first name, I would call them, Mrs. Last-Name until she told me what her first name was.  No one ever found this to be rude.  It was normal.

Then we move here, and everyone is calling me Miss Nicole, and it's just weird to me.  It's way formal.  And I feel peer pressured into teaching it to my kids because it is the culture of where we're living, but at the same time, I don't like it.  Do I really have to assimilate?

So, in conclusion, if you notice that my kids don't say the same things that yours do, don't hold it against them.  If they don't call you Miss So and So, but instead just use your first name, know that they are not being rude or forward.  If they answer you with a "yeah?" instead of a "yes, ma'am", they're not being snotty.  If they're given a cookie and forget to say "thank you", they still do appreciate it.  These are just cultural differences that are subtle but still stand out.  So, although Marco and Jonas may be the rudest kids in all of South Carolina, they're pretty normal by Florida standards!