Parenting In Public

Here's the scene:

You're at a busy sit-down restaurant trying the enjoy your lunch.  You're sandwiched between your wiggle wormy 3 year old and your temperamental 2 year old.  The clock is ticking closer and closer to nap time and as the minutes pass, the emotions rise.

In an effort to just ease the situation and buy yourself some time, you hand your 2 year old your already destroyed iPhone, because, really, what's the point in fighting it anymore?  In between bites of your cooling meal and shoving food into your 3 year old's mouth, you notice that your 2 year old is partaking in your biggest pet peeve... holding food.  He has been holding the same bite of food in his mouth for the last 15 minutes!

You decide to ignore it because at least he's not pitching a fit... at the moment.  But then, just when you aren't looking, he opens his mouth and out pours a stream of watered down, drippy, mushy, mac n' cheese.  You try to salvage what's left of your phone, scoop up the soggy mess... and then what?

It's your choice... you're the mother... it's time for parenting in public.

Here's what I did:

When I snatched the phone away, it immediately resulted in an outburst of screams and tears.  Then I brought his face close to mine and very sternly said "No, no, no... we don't spit food! No, no, no!" and I proceeded to slap him on the wrist once.

Unbeknownst to me, there was another mother seated nearby with a precious angel of a daughter, who I'm sure has never thrown a single tantrum ever, and her own mother.  They were gawking at me with phones poised to dial CPS.

It was brought to my attention by my own mother, who was sitting next to me, that I had a fan club.  I turned to see the grandmother staring at me with unwavering eyes.

It was a stare-down.

I looked at her.  She looked at me.  Faces unchanged.  Tumbleweeds rolled past and cowboy music started playing (in my head, of course).

I was itching... nay, BEGGING for her or her smug daughter to say something about my parenting tactics.

All the while Jonas is still pitching his fit next to me with tears streaming down his little red face.

Once she looked away, I scooped Jonas up into my arms and exited the restaurant to have a one-on-one chat.  I calmed him down, we hugged it out and walked back into the restaurant.

Thankfully, for her sake, she didn't say anything to me... because I was ready to put her in her place.  And my sister-in-law was there... and she's got one hell of a mouth on her!

The bottom line is this... I'm going to parent my children, inside of the house AND outside of the house.  If YOU don't like it, LOOK AWAY.  The rules are the rules no matter where we are.  And a slap on the wrist with a stern voice are the least of it... that WAS my public parenting.  

So how do YOU handle parenting in public?

A Privilege and a Sacrifice

Not long ago I was at a restaurant with my family.  We were in the front of the restaurant, waiting to be seated, and the boys were jumping all over Mauricio, excited to be with their daddy after a long day of work. I sat on a bench, watching them, finally relieved to have no one touching me for a few minutes and have the attention elsewhere.  I could breathe a minute... decompress.

An older lady sitting next to me struck up a conversation with me.
She said:  Is that your son?  (pointing at Marco)
I said: Yes... and that one too... (pointing to Jonas)
She said:  Oh wow... TWO little ones? You must have your hands so full...

-Pause-
Can I just rant for a minute?  This is the MOST annoying, MOST cliche thing you can say to a mother. First of all, DUH.  Of course I have my hands full.  Every mom has her hands full.  Motherhood is hard.  BUT, more importantly, my hands are full, but I LIKE it that way.  My children are not a burden to me.  They're most definitely hard work, time consuming and patience testing, but I love them more than my whole life, so yes, my hands are wonderfully full... and my heart?  Over-flowingly full.

I nodded.
She said: So, who takes care of them?
I gave her a questioning confused look
I said: I do?
She said:  Well yes, I know... but during the day?
Another questioning confused look
I said: I do?
She said:  Yes, yes, but while you're at work... who takes care of them?
I said:  Oh!  I'm a stay-at-home-mom... I don't work.

And here it is guys... the point of the whole story...
She opens her arms, really dramatic-like and says in a sing-songy voice...
"Oooooo, what a PRIVILEGED LAAAADY!"

I
Was
Stunned

I didn't know what to say, so I meekly said:
"Yes, we are blessed.  My husband is a great provider and we're able to make it work".

But that was the wrong answer.
Don't you sometimes wish you had a rewind button?  Ugh.  I could have put her in her place sooooo good, if only I hadn't been like a deer in headlights!

Here's what I really think on the subject...

Am I privileged?  Hell yes.  I am so grateful that I get to spend every day with my kids... that I get to be their teacher, their playmate, their referee, their boo-boo kisser, their nap time snuggler.  It would break my stinkin' heart if I couldn't do those things for them.

But...
Am I a "Privileged Lady"?  Hell NO!  I ain't rich.  We don't have nannies or butlers or chefs or drivers. We had to live with my in-laws for a whole year to save money to buy a house.  Mauricio's car is from 1997.  My car is a hand-me-down from my mom because I totalled my old car, which by the way was my high school graduation gift.  We buy things off of Craigslist all the time.  We clothes shop at Target.  We haven't taken a vacation since our honeymoon.  We don't have texting.  We don't have cable.  We have to strictly budget and save in order to buy the things we want.

We are not rich...
We are not "Privileged"... in the way she was saying it.

We make an enormous amount of sacrifices for me to be able to stay home with the kids.  It's not something we take lightly.  We could be much better off.  We could both have 401K's.  But we don't.  Because THIS is the time for us to sacrifice.

We feel that it is more important for me to be home with our kids... so that we can decide how to raise them, how to discipline them, what kind of things they should be learning, or exposed to.  We make all the choices.  We are in a completely controlled environment.  For us, that's more important than new cars, yearly vacations, Nordstrom clothes.

So yes, it is a privilege... but it's also a sacrifice.
Dont' get confused.

Raising Boys (Points 16-20)

Today I share with you the final 5 points from the article about raising boys.  It's been so fun sharing with you MY take on these 20 points... from what little I know in the 3 years of being a boys' mom.

Thanks for all of your sweet comments throughout... it's been really fun!

In case you missed it, my first 3 posts can be found here and here and here.

16.  You Will Struggle With Gender Roles
Ummm, not so much.  We go to all-girls-houses and they will gladly play with pink dolls and kitchen sets... and it doesn't bother me one bit.  In fact, one of Marco's favorite games is to pretend he's cooking... and I love it!  Real men cook, amen?  That's about all I'm gonna say on this subject for now...

17.  You Will Revise Your Wedding Fantasies- and Be Fine With It.
Yes!  This was a bit of a heart breaker for me when we realized that Jonas would be a boy and then when we learned that he would be our last.  More than a wedding fantasy was the dream of having my little girl be my best friend.  I stil get teary eyed to think about it.  But I know that it's ok... it's God's design for our family to be this way.  I'm just praying hard for God to deliver us two amazing beautiful and loving brides for my boys... and that they can be the daughters I never had.

18.  Boys Sometimes Need to Hug It Out.
Marco is a tough guy... but he still needs his Mama to kiss his ay-ay's and hug him when he's overly tired or cranky.  Jonas loves snuggles and hugs and kisses all the time!  Marco always wants to be with his Daddy, but when he's sick, it's me he wants... YES!  The other day he was fevered and sick and I told him to go lay with Daddy and he said, "Noooo, I want Yoooouuuu"... oh yeah... mom wins!

19.  You Will Throw Away Tons of Clothes
So far we've been lucky enough to not have to throw away TONS of clothes, just the few jeans with holes or shoes that are worn through the soles.  But a lot of shirts we've been able to pass down to Jonas and even donate them after that... sure, they're a little worn and faded, but still totally wearable.  We figure that if Jonas is just going to damage them further, why bother getting all new clothes?  Especially when they're mostly used for parks and play dates... no need for the fashion show.  But I know that as they get older, the less we'll be able to pass down.  That's ok, because as previously discussed, boys clothes are cheap! ha!

20. Boys Love Their Moms
It's true... they sure do.  While they're all about Dad too, there is nothing like Mom.  I pray that as they get older I'm able to nurture our relationships so that they know that no matter how old they are, they can still come back to rest in my arms.

They are my boys... dirty, stinky, sweaty, scraped up, snot-nosed boys... and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Raising Boys (Points 11-15)

Today I will continue my analysis of this article I found via Pinterest.  It describes 20 things you never knew about raising a boy... and seeing that I'm raising 2, I thought I'd compare it to my real life experiences.
I discussed the 5 first points here.
And points 6-10 here.

11. You'll Learn Not to Compare Your Son to Girls
I was at a friend's house.  She has a little girl about 5 months older than Marco... and she's sweet, kind and smart.  My friend had the idea to do a craft with the kids.  So she sat her daughter and my son down, gave them the craft supplies and instructed them on how to do it.  As her daughter worked, she was able to sit calmly and work thoroughly... my son however, was up and out of his chair 5 seconds after starting.  He knocked over the supplies, threw them on the floor, licked them, ran around a bit and was satisfied with letting her finish it for him.  My friend (who was then pregnant with a boy), looked up at me with horror in her eyes... "Is this how boys are?".  To which I gave a solemn nod, "yes".  It's true that if you compare your sons to your friends daughters, you will want to cry.  Just don't do it.  They're wired differently, so you can't compare.  It's like apples and oranges dinosaurs.

12.  Star Wars Takes Over Earlier Than You Expect
Ok, so for us it's not necessarily "Star Wars".  I'm not a fan and while Mauricio likes it, he's not die hard about it like most men.  Our children have not seen or been exposed to much Star Wars yet, although Marco does have a shirt that he loves because it's his "space ship shirt".  He is, however, a space lover.  He loves to read books about boy astronauts or look at rockets.  He thinks all of that is coooool.  In fact, we were thinking about decorating their new room in a rocket theme, until we had to change the color.  But "Star Wars"?  Not yet.  Remember in my last post I said he thought a light sabre was a fishing pole... we're just not there yet.

13.  You'll Probably Make a Trip to the Emergency Room
So far we've dodged the bullet on this one.  Actually, we've only been to the ER once (click here for all the gory details)  for Jonas, and he was only 8 months old at the time, AND it was Mauricio's fault.  Luckily, with all the jumping, running, hitting and falling that my boys do on a minute-by-minute basis, we've never had to go to the ER.  But even just writing this makes me a bit nervous... you know that we're overdue.  It's like it's coming, it's right around the corner, but we just don't know when.  I have a friend (who blogs here) and has 2 crazy boys.  I think they know her by name at the ER.  For a mother, it can be nerve wrecking, but it sure does make life interesting!

14.  Sports Obsession Can Be Hardwired
Yup.  I even see it with Jonas, he's always yelling "BAAAALLLL".  Marco has always loved playing sports.  Right before he was 2, he would chant "Ba-Ket-Ball", so for his 2nd birthday, we did a BasketBall themed birthday.  During the Heat games, Marco and Mauricio chant "Let's Go Heat!" at the top of their lungs and Jonas joins in with his version, "BA-BA-BOO".  He insists on wearing his "Basketball clothes" for his naps every.single.day, which consists of a tank top and soft shorts.  It's another one of those things that's just ingrained in their very souls.  And, they want to be just like Daddy... so Basketball and Soccer are the favorites.

15.  Pee Will Be Everywhere.  Everywhere.
Don't worry... pee is not everywhere.  But it's enough places that it just doesn't phase us anymore.  Any time Jonas is naked, he runs into a corner and pees somewhere.  Mauricio says he's like a little puppy.  Marco loves peeing outside and anytime we go to the pool, I think he spends more time peeing outside the pool than actually playing in it!  So yes, boys love their penises (or is it peni?) and love peeing everywhere.  Fun times... especially the clean up!

Can you relate?  Tell me how!

Raising Boys (Points 6-10)

This is the 2nd part of a 4 part series where I compare this article to my real life experience with raising boys.  Mind you, I'm only 3 years into this journey, so I know there's still a lot to learn and a lot more to experience.  I can't wait.
Please share with me your take on these points!  Do you find them to be true?  Do you think that girls are way different, or are the pretty much alike?  I'd love to hear from you!
Here's the first 5 points, in case you missed it...

6. You'll Learn to Love Legos
Actually, this one is not true for me yet.  Maybe it will be one day... if I learn how to contain them.  But as of right now, we have one set of big (generic brand) legos that are mostly all either lost behind the couch or hiding out wherever all the lost socks are.  If I could trust that my boys wont just dump the bucket of legos on the floor, kick at them for 3 minutes and then walk away, maybe I'd allow it.  But I can't!  Because that's exactly what they do.  They'll play with it for about 2 minutes... assemble a few... pretend it's a horn or a space ship... then SMASH IT and kick it under the couch.  Legos and I do not have a loving relationship.

7.  Roughhousing is Innate
I can see how this is true for Marco.  He loves to get playfully shoved in the face, or held down for tickles.  He also wants to do that to us.  The problem lies when BOTH boys do not particularly enjoy roughhousing.  Jonas likes it, but he has his limits... and Marco doesn't understand where that line is.  Jonas is also very moody, so sometimes he'll be rolling on the ground with Marco and then sometimes if Marco just lays a hand on him, he'll begin to wail.  You just never know.  The main problem is that Jonas never comes out the victor in their roughhousing games.  Jonas is always overthrown or pinne down by big brother.  Hopefully once Jonas gets a little bigger, stronger and heavier, he'll be a better contender for Marco and it'll level the playing field.

8.  You'll Want to Mold Him into a Steller Boyfriend
Mauricio works on this with Marco more than I do.  He's always telling him to "go help your mom" or "don't say that to your mom" or "be nice".  I appreciate that, because I know that if they learn to be kind to ME, that it'll bleed over to all women.  We don't have very many girl friends for Marco to play with.  We have a few and to those, I try to teach him to let them go first, to be gentle with them and to be kind.  So far we haven't had any issues!  This will be a long lesson, I'm sure.

9.  The Goofiness Starts Early
In the article, it talks about "potty humor" as the "goofiness".  Thankfully we haven't started that yet, although with boys, it is inevitable.  They are goofy still, but in a more innocent way.  For them, the funniest thing they can do to each other is... spit.  But not spit in a gross way... like they're not hocking a loogie at each other... yet.  They blog raspberries in each other's faces and crack up... or they spit out bath water at each other.  Jonas just thinks this is hilarious.  Like, fall-over-laughing funny.  They're goofy and it's fun to watch!

10. Even Sweet-as-Pie Boys Love Guns
This is something that has fascinated me.  We don't have any toy guns and we don't watch any violent tv, but one time, Marco picked up a wrapping paper roll and pointed it at me and went "pshew pshew".  Huh?  How did he know?!  When I asked him what he was doing, he told me that he was Spiderman shooting his webs at me.  Ok, so he still doesn't "know" what guns are, but he does know how to exhibit violent manly behavior.  Once we were at a friends house and her son was playing with Star Wars light sabers... he was aiming it at Marco, poised to fight, and Marco looked at me and said, "look Mom, we're going fishing"!  He thought it was a fishing pole!  Regardless, whether it's actually guns, or swords or just Spiderman webs, they know, like it's built into their souls, how to be a fighter.  It's not necessarily a bad thing, but absolutely something we have to teach them... "With great power comes great responsibility" and they have to "Use their powers for good and not evil".  We've got to build up the good guys to fight off the bad guys!

Raising Boys (Points 1-5)

I found this article via Pinterest and loved it so much.  Granted, I've only been a mother of boys for 3 years now, but I see truth in these words.  So I wanted to share with you, point by point, how these points have affected my life and my parenting style.  How it's changed me and challenged me.  How it's frustrated me, made me laugh and made me cry.  And if you're a mom of boys, I know you'll relate and have your own tales to tell... so please do!

There are 20 points in all, so I'll split this into 4 posts with 5 points in each.

1. There will be Trains, Planes and Automobiles
If you've ever been to my house or even inside my car, you know how true this is.  Boys and their cars.  It's like it's imbedded in their souls.  While I let them play with anything they desire, from toilet paper rolls to dolls, but there is nothing like the obsession with cars.  So watch your step, because they're everywhere!

2.  Boys Don't Stop Moving
Holy cow, is this ever true.  People sometimes look at my life with two young boys and they don't know how I keep up... actually, I don't even know how I keep up.  They are moving from the minute they wake up to the minute they go to sleep, and sometimes they're rolling around in their sleep to.  It's like boys are just overflowing with energy... they can't contain it... they can't hold it in.  This is exactly why I'm pretty much sure of the fact that they're gonna get in a sufficient amount of trouble in school.  I can not envision them sitting still and quietly working for a half hour at a time.    It's not ADD... it's just being a boy.

3.  Clothes Shopping is Easy-- and Cheap!
All us moms of boys complain about how not cute boys' clothes are.  You've got your basic "food groups" of boy clothes.  We've got the transportation group... cars, trains, planes, rockets, tractors.  We've got the animal group... puppies, dinos, bears, tigers, lions, giraffs, sharks.  We've got the sports group... football, basketball, soccer, baseball.  The shorts are usually plaid that works with all of the above shirts, or plain jeans.  Then we have the occasional polo shirt for church.  We also have 2 pairs of shoes... a nicer one and a sneaker.  The end.  When I go to Target I droooool over all the girly outfits... some of them I wish they had in adult size because I would so wear that!  But at the end of it all, boy clothes are no frills, easy peasy, grab it and go clothes.  Thankfully that's one thing I don't have to stress over.  And no matter what they wear, they're still the cutest kids around!

4.  You Will LOVE Watching Him Play with His Dad
Hello.  Is there anything more sexy than watching your husband being a good father?  I think not.  I love to stand back and let Mauricio play with his boys.  First of all, it gives me a much needed break (can I get an "AMEN") and secondly, they get to do things with dad that I can't do.  I can't pick Marco up by his legs and swing him around the room and land him safely on the couch... but dad can.  I can't hold his whole body down with one hand while using the other hand to tickle him silly... but dad can.  I can't run the length of the yard with Marco on my shoulders and Jonas in my arms... but dad can!  I'm so grateful to have a man that can fill so many of the needs of my children.  And he looks hot doing it!

5.  The Penis Comparisons Start Early
Yes, we have had some penis talk... and you'll remember my moment when I realized I would have to become a more Modest Mama.  The curiosity stemmed from me... he needed to know where MY pee-pee was.  But aside from that, I haven't heard them comparing sizes... yet.  When they're taking a bath together, we have to remind Marco that that's a "private part" and that he can not touch Jonas there.  He also laughs and announces when he has a "BONER!" which I'm praying doesn't happen in an inopportune place such as church or school.  I don't think moms of girls have to endure this embarrassment.  And I didn't think it was appropriate to add a picture to this point... ha!


So what do you think, moms of boys?  Isn't this article right on the money?! Tell me what has been your experiences with points 1-5!  I'd love to know!

The Dumb Dad

Did you all hear what the Census Bureau said a few months back?
They said that when mother is staying home with her kids, it's "parenting", while when the father does it, it's a "child-care arrangement".  In other words, Babysitting.

This should be shocking to us all... not just to the poor stay-at-home dads that get NO respect and have a hard enough time as it is, but also to us women!  I mean, they are basically saying that dad's are useless... only "babysitter worthy".  

Since 2010, 32% of children are staying home with dad... that's one in three families!  So what's with this idea that dads are incapable?  Why are they looked down upon?  Why have we made them into Dumb Dads?

Now, this is just my personal opinion, but I strongly believe that we women have done it to ourselves.  We have shot ourselves in the foot.  We want so badly to be treated equally and have high paying jobs (I am Woman, hear me Roar) but that doesn't mean that our other responsibilities have faded away.  Throughout the course of time, it's been the man's job to go out (hunter) and the women's to stay in and care for the house (gatherer).  But in the last century, roles have shifted and morphed.  That's a good thing... but there are consequences that came upon us.  The women now want to be the hunter AND the gatherer... (I don't need no man!) and what has happend to us... we're worn out, exhausted, stressed, over worked.  And what exactly has happened to our men?  They have turned into a pile of mush... the Dumb Dad.

It's sad to say, but a lot of men would really rather not be the hunters OR the gatherers... they wanna chill, watch football, play xbox, eat doritos.  The perfect example I can think of is based on the first people to ever walk this planet... Adam and Eve (this is not a debate as to whether you believed they were actually the first people or not... it's an illustration... don't let me lose you!)  When everything was going well, Adam was having a blast... as soon as things got hard, he pointed fingers, hid and acted like a little boy.  But wait, ladies, Eve was in the wrong too... she wanted to CONTROL Adam... she needed to dictate what was going on... that was the FIRST mistake!  So, it's in our nature... women want to take control, men want to go-with-the-flow.

This is what has happened to us.  We have allowed our husbands to become our children.  We treat our husbands like they are incapable children.  We leave them lists, call to check up and be sure that they've eaten, nag at them and repeat things to them like they are incapable of comprehending simple commands.  YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT YOUR CHILD!!!

It really frustrates me when I hear people saying, "Oh, I left the kids with my husband... pray for them, hahahahaha".  Really?!  You left the kids with their FATHER... have some faith that he can handle it!  He's not incapable... he's not dumb... he's fully able to take care of the children that he helped bring into the world.  But YOU have to let him!  You have enable him!

Your husband is NOT dumb... he was smart enough to snag you, wasn't he?  So what happened between then and now.  When did he turn into Homer Simpson?

But now, men are insecure because we have babied them.  So they call and ask stupid questions... just making us feel like they can't possibly handle it.  This happened once and ONLY once in my household.  I left the kids with their father, who is fully capable of handling anything and everything thrown at him.  I went to work.  While at work, he called and asked me what he should give them for lunch.  I had not left him a schedule or a list or a lunch or anything... I figured, he is a grown intelligent man, he can figure it out.  BUT, he must have been insecure because he called me to ask.  My reply was this, "do I call you when you're at work to ask you what to feed the kids?  You can figure it out... and if there's nothing at home, then you can go out".  Was that harsh?  Maybe.  BUT it never happened again.

My husband is a trooper.  He is so amazing with the kids... and NOT just as a playmate.  He plays with them, but he also feeds them and bathes them and changes diapers and takes them out and teaches them and disciplines them.  He is a PARENT... NOT a babysitter!

Mothers, you need to trust your husband with your kids... they're not MY kids... they're OUR kids.  Raise the bar of your expectation with your husband... he will meet it.  He might not like it at first, BUT later he will feel confident and secure and he will build a beautiful relationship with your children.

If women are going to be hunters and gatherers, then it's time for men to do the same.  That means NO MORE "hands-off" dads.  NO MORE "not great with the kids" dads.  NO MORE "only a playmate" dads.  NO MORE "babysitting" dads.  And it starts with us... will we allow them to come into our territory of being a parent?

To read more about the Census Bureau, you can follow these links:
http://womenslawproject.wordpress.com/2012/02/17/census-bureau-mom-is-designated-parent-dad-is-childcare-arrangement/


http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/children/cb11-198.html

Not So Cute

As parents of young children, we become accustomed to constant comments, words of affirmation and praise about our little ones.  We are always surrounded by peers who have young children, older parents who remember the "good ol' days" or loved ones.  All these people dote over each and every action and word spoken from our children.  It's the norm.

As parents of young children, we believe, although bias as it is, that our children are the absolute cutest.  We give them attention, clap at their singing and stop mid sentence to listen to them say just about anything.  We think they're cute and we expect everyone else to think they're cute too.

But what happens when people don't think they're so cute?

This realization occurred to us the other day... and we were a little confused by it.   Now, I know what you're thinking... "wait a minute, someone didn't think your kids were cute?  Impossible!  Blasphemy! Foolishness!"  I know... that's what I thought too! But alas, it is true.

One night, these acquaintances of ours stopped by to have a chat with my in-laws.  They are recently married and very young... the girl is still a teen.  They do not have babies on the brain and are no where near that life step.  So, I can see how they wouldn't be impressed with my children.

As they arrived and walked into the house, Marco became excited because he loves having visitors and he believes everyone is his "friend".  He grabbed Jonas' hand, lead him to the middle of the circle we were standing in and said "Hey, Hey guys, Hey!" trying to grab their attention.  But he failed.  They didn't even give him a downwards glance.

But Marco is not easily discouraged.  He tried again... this time, grabbing his coolest toy, Lightning McQueen and entering the circle once again.  "Hey, guys, look... it's Lighting DaQueen... Cachow!"  But still, nothing.  Not even an acknowledgement of his presence.

At this point, I felt a few things.  1. I felt heartbroken for Marco... he has never known rejection.  2. I felt upset... is it so hard to acknowledge someone?  I know he's not an adult, and you don't have to play with him, but is it so hard to say "hi"?

Let me make myself perfectly clear... I do not expect people to play with my kids.  I don't play with other people's kids.  But I do say hello to them... a kind comment... ask them a couple of questions... make them feel important and like they're a person!  This is common curtesy... if people acknowledge pets, why not kids?

Well apparently Mauricio was feeling the same things I was, but he had the to foresight to stop the cycle.  He grabbed Marco and lead him into the living room to play with him.  Mauricio felt that if they couldn't even acknowledge his presence, that he wouldn't acknowledge theirs... so he left the scene.

What about Jonas?  Oh, Jonas... the baby... he did receive some attention.  He got a couple, "oh, he's so cute" and "look at that"... but that's because he's still babyish.  The older these kids get, away from babyhood and into kid-land, they become less cute and more annoying to other people.  But I really don't think Marco is in the "annoying stage" yet.  Really.  We try very hard to keep him under control... to keep him kind, obedient, sweet and quiet around adults.  He is well behaved and we get compliments on his behavior all the time.

How should we, as parents, handle this rejection?  We still love our children with an intensity that is indescribable... but other people do not share the same sentiment.  Should we remove ourselves from such circumstances?  Should we come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to give our children attention?  Should we be ok with that?  I really don't know.  I'm at a loss.

This whole situation, which I'm sure didn't even cross the minds of the young couple, has stuck with me for weeks.  Maybe Marco isn't so cute after all?!

No way... that's impossible!

Conflicted and Convicted

Halloween.
Christmas.
Easter.

These three holidays pose such difficult quandaries for myself and my household.

With Easter- should we participate in the Easter Bunny?  How about Easter baskets?  Ok, how about just egg hunts?

With Christmas- Santa or no?  How many gifts, if any?  Should we have a tree?

And with Halloween- should we participate?  Dress up?  Trick or Treating or parties?

This is a big dilema.  A big one.

I'll tell you how I feel first of all.  This is where I'm conflicted.  On the one hand, I am a Christian.  I love Jesus.  I want to be pleasing to Him.  I know that these "traditions" are pagan ones and take AWAY from the message of Jesus.  On the other hand, I don't want my kids to be "those weird kids that don't celebrate holidays".  Because we DO celebrate holidays.  We just may not partake in every aspect of that holiday.  And, I want my kids to have fun and make sweet memories.

Here's the problem with what other people see about Christianity... that it strips away all the "fun".  Now, that's not true.  And, just because this is what WE are conflicted and convicted about doesn't mean that I judge YOU for not feeling the same way.  I do not think I am a better Christian or that I love Jesus more than you do.  This has just been laid on my heart and mind and what we have decided is right for our family.

As a child, my parents allowed me to participate in Halloween.  Every year I wore a costume and went Trick or Treating around my neighborhood.  The only restriction on Halloween was that I was not allowed to dress as anything scary or evil.  Basically my parents felt that they were on the safe side of the fence that way.

The way I feel about that "rule" is that it's pretty much getting as close to the fence as I possibly can without actually being on the other side.  And, shouldn't we as Christians not see how close we can get, but rather how FAR we can get from that proverbial "fence"?  That would be more pleasing to God.

Maybe God doesn't care about things like this... maybe He doesn't mind that we dress our babies as pumpkins.  But maybe He does.  And maybe by becoming callous to the TRUE underlying meaning and purpose of Halloween, we're allowing ourselves to become calloused about other things.  If that's ok, then other things should be too.  It becomes easier to put an excuse on it or turn your eyes away.

In Mauricio's household, they did not participate in Halloween at all.  My mother-in-law would hold the kids back from school that day so they weren't seen as the outsiders and she would buy mountains of candy for them to enjoy without having to go door to door.  She would also take them to Fall Festivals to enjoy pumpkin patches and pony rides.  When I asked her about this, her response was so simple, it floored me.  I asked her how the kids felt about being left out and her answer was, "They knew we were Christians".  I was convicted.

I believe that it's easy to do what everyone else is doing.  It's easy to fall into step with the crowd.  It's easy to say "it's all in fun".  But being a Christian means you don't always do the easy thing.

In Romans 12:2 it reads: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect".

By participating in Halloween, I am conforming to the world.  If I participated even though my GUT is telling me not to, I'd be conforming.  I believe that God has transformed my mind and I am able to discern what is good and acceptable and right and perfect and true.  Of course I think my kids would be stinkin' adorable all dressed up.  I've been dying to paint a moustache on Marco!  But the bottom line is I should be more concerned with what HE thinks than what my friends think, or how cute it'll be or if they'll have fun.

I know this is the right choice for my family.  I also know that it comes at a price.  And I know that although it's easy to veto Halloween now, it wont be so easy when the kids are older and aware of what all their friends are doing.  I know.  But it has been decided.  As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.  In all of our decisions.  Even the not-so-fun ones.

So now you're thinking I've gotta be all or nothing.  If I'm saying "no" to Halloween, I've gotta say "no" to Christmas and Easter too... and you'd be correct, but that's a topic for another day.

Wearing Me Down

Alright guys.  I know you've read post after post about how I must win over my kids.  About how they have to be reared now in order for me to have the upper hand in the future.  About sticking to my game plan.

But guess what?  I'm tired.  Really, really tired.

Nearly every night either Marco or Jonas is waking up and making our lives unbearable.  For Marco, usually it's around 2:30.  He sneaks into my room and wants to come into bed with us.  The game plan was to walk him back to his bed and tuck him in without saying a word.  No "go night-night", no "MARCO!", no anything... just silence.  Kinda like a zombie... a very tired zombie.  But what I didn't anticipate was that this kid would have more endurance than me!  We went through this routine for 2 hours the other night.  From 2:30 to almost 5.  I was done... done.

When he does this for 2-3 days in a row, that's it, I'm completely exhausted.  At that point I don't even care about our stupid "game plan".  Screw the "game plan", I'll do anything for more sleep.  By the third night, I just sent Mauricio to sleep with him so we could all get some rest.  Marco-1, Us-0.  He got his way... he won that battle.

The worst is if he wakes up Jonas in all this mess.  Then we've really lost.  It's incredibly difficult to get TWO babies back to sleep.  So in this case, we divide and conquer deal with it.  I take Jonas and try to get him to sleep in my bed, while Mau goes to bed with Marco.  Again, Kids-1, Us-0.

But sometimes Jonas wakes up on his own, and for no apparent reason.  When this happens, the situation is controllable and bearable because it's just him.  We always rush into his room and scoop him up before he wakes up Marco.  If he wakes Marco, all bets are off.  Usually we can get him back to sleep pretty easily... but in our bed.

So it's a good night when we go 8-10 hours with no one crying, no one sneaking into our bed, and no one waking up in the bed that's not theirs.  But, unfortunately, this only happens 2-3 nights a week.  I'm starting to develop anxiety before bed time because I know it's just a matter of time before someone starts whimpering or climbing out of their beds.  I've got a good 3 hours of sleep before the most annoying wake up call begins to scream.

Truth is, I have no desire to parent from 11pm-8am.  I don't want to do it.  But I have to.  Guys, I'm at a loss here... I don't know how we're going to do it... how we're going to survive this.  It might possibly be worse than having a newborn... because at least a newborn has a reason to be waking up!  But Marco and Jonas have NO good reason, other than brattiness.

Readers:  I need help.  A word of advice.  A word of encouragement.  Many words of prayer.  Please?

Nice, Kind and Gentle

These three words, (nice, kind and gentle) have been seared into my brain.  Just like that... in that exact order.  Mind you, not because I needed the reminder as a child, I was NOT the problem child.  This phrase came into existence when my little brother, Jorge, who is 13 years younger than me, was a toddler.  Oh, Jorge was such a cute baby, but very rambunctious and kinda rough.  He never intended to hurt anyone, but always did.  So, my father came up with this catch phrase of sorts, "Jorge, be Nice, Kind and Gentle".  To a toddler, this means nothing, but as the years went on, and we continued to drill it, he began to grasp it.  In fact, at the age of 4, he was so drilled that one day my father said, "Jorge- Nice, Kind---" and he was interrupted my a 4 year old smarty-pants "yeah, yeah, nice, kind and gentle, OK!"  LOL.  What a character!
So, now that I'm a mom, I've been finding myself saying these words to Marco.  Marco, who is only 10 months!  The baby who thinks the word "no" is funny.  But, I'm hoping, that like with my brother, these words will begin to mean something eventually.
Now, I got to thinking... not only should toddlers, kids and teens learn this lesson, but what about us?  I know most of us moms have no problem being nice, kind and gentle with our bodies... but what about our mouths?  This is our downfall.  For some reason, I feel God has really been laying these 3 words heavily on my heart.  He said "Nicole, you want your baby to be nice, kind and gentle... but are you being these things to him?  How about to your husband?"  Uhhh, don't you hate it when He pierces you in the heart?!  But it's so true!  How can I expect my child to be portray these characteristics with his body and his mouth if I am not exemplifying them in my house?
Ladies!  We NEED to watch our words!  How many times have we used sarcasm to seem funny or non-chalant and in turn cut someone down?  Has this happened to you?  It has to me!  Like this... baby screaming in the back seat, I turn to my friend and say "aren't babies SUCH a blessing?".  Wow, that shames me!  Could my 4 month old understand me?  No... but a 4 year old would!
For those of us moms with young babies, even if they don't understand what is coming out of our mouths, we need to begin practicing now.  There is nothing more obnoxious than a sarcastic 4 year old... and where do you think he/she learns it from?
What kind of mom do you want to be?  I know that I want to exemplify the fruits of the spirit... easier said than done, right?  I mean, why stop at nice, kind and gentle?  In Galatians 5:22 it says "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control...".
Love... I want my babies to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am in LOVE with them.  I never want them to feel like they're a burden or something to be ashamed of, but LOVED.  We show our children abundant, unconditional love, and then they can see how much MORE their Father in Heaven loves them!
We are showing our sons and daughters what a picture of a woman is.  Is a mother someone who is always stern, someone with hands on hips, rolling eyes and sighing?  We've all said it about our own mothers... "I will NEVER do this like her".  And, it's inevitable, our children will say it about us too.  But, I'd rather hear "I will NEVER be disorganized the way she was" than "I will NEVER treat my children the way she did".  BIG DIFFERENCE!  I want my son to know the way a loving wife and mother behaves, so that when he is in the market for a wife, he may choose wisely.  I want my daughter (if I ever have one) to understand the role of a wife and mother and become a happy one.  We are shaping our children- beginning at birth.
My prayer for you, moms that will one day be, new mommies, and veteran mothers-  That God may put the desire in our hearts to be more LIKE Him.  That he will begin to reshape and reform our minds to THINK like Him.  That the words that come out of our mouths are for lifting up and not tearing down.