Not-So-Tough Mama

*I know I've been absent for almost a year... forgive me as I jump right back in without skipping a beat.  I'll give you a small update.  Marco (4) is now in Pre-K, Jonas (3) is my sidekick, and I keep busy as Coordinator of MOPS of Miami and Group Leader of BSF... so now that you're all caught up, onto my "Not-so-tough Mama moment".

Marco has 2 left feet.

Not really, but he might as well.  In the last 3 months, we have had 3 ER visits.  That brings the tally up to 3 Marco- 1 Jonas.  Marco's winning, but I don't think he'll be getting a prize.

Back in June, he smashed his finger in the closet door while suffering from a fit of rage over a time-out.  It was a bit dramatic. He lost a nail and fractured the finger.

Then on Labor Day, he was wrapped in a towel like a burrito and tripped on a step.  Since his arms were under the towel, he fell flat on his face and busted open his chin.  This wasn't his fault.  He got 3 stitches, 2 of which he pulled all by himself.

Last week, while walking... walking, he tripped and bit through his lip.  The bottom teeth broke the inside of his lip and the top teeth broke the outside.  And he chipped a tooth.  All this damage was done while walking.  Not riding a motorcycle off a cliff... walking.  Luckily the inside of his mouth wasn't badly cut and healed quickly on it's own, but the outside was completely jagged and opened.  He needed 6 stitches, 2 of which he pulled all by himself.

Mauricio warned me that when he had the stitches put on, the scene was ugly.  Really dramatic and emotional.  He barely kept it together.  I thought he was being wimpy... I mean, for real... get over it.

I pride myself on being a tough mama.
You're crying?  Dry it up
You're hurt?  It'll be ok
You have to get a shot?  You'll survive

This may seem harsh, but it's probably a result of my many-many-many trips to the doctor and hospital, being probed, prodded, pinched and pricked since I was born due to my lung disease and RA.  I give myself an injection twice a week without flinching.  I understand that some things are medically necessary, and that although it may hurt, it's still necessary.  Get over it.

Today, we had an appointment with the plastic surgeon to remove Marco's stitches.  I walked in there wearing my tough mama pants.  He had to get them off... if it hurt, that was too bad.  As soon as the nurse came in to remove them, he began to panic.  He held onto my neck and wouldn't let her look at him.

We tried to bargain with him but nothing would get him to put his head up for her.  She finally asked me if it was ok for them to hold him down.  Remember, I still had my tough mama pants on, and I looked at her confidently and said, "yeah, of course... go for it... I'm used to this stuff".

Ahhhh my confidence and ego loves to shine out right before a fall.

They took out a blanket and wrapped him in it.  Two nurses held his arms and legs and another held his head while a fourth removed the stitches.

Seeing him like that.  Tied down and helpless.  Crying and screaming "MOMMY".  It tore me up.
Tore.
Me.
Up.

I felt like I was betraying him.  Logically I knew it was necessary, but inside I felt broken hearted.

When it was all over, a nurse handed me a wad of tissue paper and asked me if I was ok.  She said it's a lot harder when you see your child like that...
No kidding!

My tough mama facade was ripped away, and all that was left was compassion, mercy and love.  I hope I can remember that it's more important to portray those qualities.  When all was said and done, I held Marco for a while and whispered in his ear how proud I was of him, how much I love him and what a brave brave boy he was.

New Rule:  Mauricio handles all ER situations from now on.  I can't handle much more of that!

Tubes: Round Two

Today Jonas had ear tubes implanted in both his ears.  This is our second time going through this... we had to get them for Marco back in July.
Read his story HERE.

I'll have to say that I felt a lot more confident and less anxious than the first time around.  We knew the drill and we were perfectly calm.

We arrived at the hospital at 6am and were checked in.  He was scheduled to be the second surgery of the day... since you have to be fasting before surgery, they schedule it by age.  By 7am we were taken into the pre-op room and he was given a bed, a blanket, some stickers and a car.

He was a little confused, but over all very calm and relaxed. Everyone was shocked that a toddler would just lay down in the bed and chill like that.  He's very serious.  It's his way.

Before long, the anesthesiologist came in to give us the run down.  Basically, they'd give him a medicine through the nose that makes them groggy and loopy.  Then once inside the OR, they'd give him the mask which will put him to sleep.  The doctor then performs the procedure and within 5-10 minutes he's back out in recovery.  No needles.  No IV.  No blood at all.  Simple.

Then the doctor came in to answer any further questions we may have had.  We had none.

The nurse came back with the nose medicine.  He wasn't fond of it... I mean, who can blame him?  But within a minute he was acting... drunk.  It was hysterical.  And, yes, we recorded it.  (Maybe I'll grace you with that little gem in the future). 


Since he was so drunk happy, they took him away from us with no problem.  He was gone, we were ushered back into the waiting room and then we waited.

That's the hardest part... waiting.  Every minute feels like 5.  We kept thinking it was taking longer than it had with Marco.  Then a hint of worry set in... what if there was a complication?  What if he's not taking to the anesthesia well? What if......

I prayed that Jesus would guide the doctor, hold tightly to my boy and ease my fears.  Just then the nurse came back in to get us.  We waited for about 10 minutes.

Jonas was just coming out from under... he was crying and confused.  He cried for a while, which is normal.  We tried soothing him with his paci, blanket, a walk to the window and offered him some juice.  He was in such a frenzy that he threw up a little.  We let him cry for about 15 minutes before heading out.  Once we were outside, he was more calm.

We got home at 8:30 and Marco had just woken up.  (No, we didn't leave him alone... my FIL was still home).  Jonas hung out for a while, then decided he was up for playing and by 10 he was completely back to his rascally and mischievous self.

So happy both of my boys are over and done with this... onto more healthy days.

Totalled

We were in a pretty serious car accident this morning.  Thankfully the boys and I are ok.  But the car is not... it's totalled.

We were on our way to music class, driving down a major road, when I could hear Marco fidgeting with his car seat clip... the top one.  I yelled, "You better click!" and I glanced in the rearview mirror to be sure he was buckled and when I looked back, we were speeding head first into a tractor.

There was a landscaping truck with a long flat bed that had a trailer hitched to it with a small tractor on it.  This truck was backing up into the main highway from a side street.  Instead of coming onto the main road face forward, he was backing into it.  I can't remember what happened exactly because it was all so fast, but I do know that I did not see it or notice that it was backing up until I was crashing.  I did not have time to break or swerve.  It was a head on collision going about 35 mph.

The kids screamed, the air bags deployed and the car filled with smoke.  I tumbled out of the car, disoriented, but only thinking about the kids.  I opened their doors and noticed that they were ok.  They were scared but they weren't crying or bleeding.  I pulled them out of the car because I was afraid of the smoke and a Good Samaritan woman stopped to help me.  She held Jonas for me and called Mauricio to tell him what had happened.  I was bleeding from a busted lip, but other than that I was feeling ok.  I was really shaken up and nervous, but mostly worried about the children.

The paramedics arrived at the scene, looked over the boys and checked our vitals.  They said the kids looked ok but I should take them to the ER just to be sure.  I opted not to because they were acting normally and had no injuries.  (We've been watching them all day to be sure everything is normal, and it has been).

The cop asked me if I was speeding and I told her that I do not speed... especially with my kids in the car. She didn't believe me and rolled her eyes.  I then had to defend myself and tell her to look around.  There were no skid marks on the street, no brake marks... I did not see the truck until I crashed.  If I had been speeding the kids and I would not be walking away from this accident with no more than a bloody lip.  We'd be taken in the ambulance with serious injury if I had been speeding.  She agreed with me and dropped the subject.

But unfortunately, she didn't issue a ticket to either party.  She said that we were both "at fault"... although I disagree.  I believe that if a truck of that size needs to come out of a street, they can not back out into a main road... they need to make a 3 point turn, even if it's really a 20 point turn.  In the time it took me to look in my rearview mirror and look back, we were in grave danger.

Moms, how many of you do not peek back at your kids to give them a sippy cup or check to be sure they're not picking their nose... or anything?!  We all do it!  And in that second, I put my family, my babies in danger.  It's crazy when I think about all that could have happened!  God is so good... we are safe.

Now that a few hours have passed, I am feeling a bit sore and emotionally tired.  My hand is bruised and my arm is sore.  My face is swollen, I have a black eye and a bruised lip.  I have a seat belt burn on my left shoulder.  Marco also has a small seat belt burn on the right side of his neck.  But that's it.  No other damage.  Amazing.

Marco has been experiencing a bit of post-traumatic stress.  He took a short nap and woke up crying, saying "Mama car... Mama crash".  And for a while after he was just repeating, "Crash" and clapping his hands together.  There's also some dried blood on his car seat (from me) and when he saw it he said, "Mama ay-ay" (ay-ay= boo boo).  He seemed very worried and kept reliving it.  We just kept telling him, "Yes, we crashed and the car went bye-bye, but we're ok and we're safe... Jesus kept us safe".  At prayers he said, "Thanks Jesus for the car and for the crash"... it's been quite eventful.

Here's some pics from the scene:

And then later on when I went to the junk yard to release it to the insurance, I got another look at the damage and was filled again with thankfulness.  

So now... my mom is saving the day and letting me borrow her car until we figure out what our next move is.  We are in no position to purchase a new car, so... we'll just have to see what happens next.  The only thing I know for sure is... Jesus is my protector.  Thanks be to Him!

Tubes Are In

In my previous posts (here and here), I have written about Marco's continuous ear infection that has resulted in the need to have tubes put in.  We did that today.

At our hospital, they schedule the procedures in order by age, so since he's only 2, he was the first one of the day.  This was good because he wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything, and waiting any later would have been a problem.  We got to the outpatient center at 6:15am.  

After registration, they took us to his prep room, where they gave him a hospital gown and some socks.  They weighed him and took his temp and gave him a warm blanket to snuggle up with in bed.  We put on the Disney channel for him, and he was good to go.  But this was the worst part... waiting to be called in.  It took almost an hour and a half to be called in.  During which time, Marco repeatedly asked us for "wawa" (water), "gabba" (yo gabba gabba) and to jump.  An hour and a half is a LOOOONG time for a 2 year old.  

The anesthesiologist and doctor came to speak with us, and then the nurses came to take Marco.  They had a little car for him to sit in, and he immediately jumped in and they whisked him away.  He didn't realize we weren't with him till after he was around the corner, and I could hear his confused, "Mama?" all the way down the hall.  It made me nervous.

They lead us to recovery and we sat down at 8:01.  My stomach was in knots and I kept wondering if he was fighting the doctors or if he was scared or crying.  By 8:07, the nurse came to tell us the doctor was on his way and by 8:10 he was telling us that the procedure went smoothly and instructing us on home care.  It was THAT fast!!! 

We went back to see him and he was still asleep but trying to wake up.  I got to sit in a rocker, holding him until he woke up.  Once he came to, he was groggy and whining... like a confused cry, not a full blown scream.  We shared a recovery room with another boy (separated by a curtain), and he was screaming at the top of his lungs.  The screaming began to make Marco nervous and he started to think that the crying was from Jonas.  He cried, "Brother... brother" and didn't understand why we weren't going to get him.  Mauricio took him to look out the window and he spotted all the birds and cars and he was no longer scared or confused.  We were released at 8:30.

Once we got home, Marco was beginning to act more normally.  But he was on his version of slow motion... which for most of us is not slow at all.  Like, if he's always going at 100 MPH, then today, he's around 93.  He's taking a long nap now, and once he wakes I expect he'll be just fine. 

This was not a big deal at all.  All the hospital staff made it a priority to make us comfortable, ease our fears and treat our baby with loving care.  My anxiety was probably the worst part.  Thank you, Jesus, for taking care of my baby!

Oh, and in case you were wondering... Jonas was at home with my amazing mother-in-law that came to visit.  We didn't forget about him!

Accidents Happen

I guess it's ok for me to post this today, since it's a Friday... Friday's are flame free, so you're not allowed to judge me.  Just so you know.

Today I did something rather dumb.  Not my proudest Mama Moment.  In fact, I've been ladened with guilt all day.  Jonas fell down.

I took Marco to get a haircut today.  Being that it was only his second one ever, he was rather skittish.  Actually, that's an understatement.  He FLIPPED out.  The moment his butt landed in the barber chair, which by the way was adorable, small and blue, with a tv screen, kid music playing and puzzles, he went bonkers.  So while I'm holding Jonas, I try to ease Marco's stress.  We offer him a lollypop, even a sip from my Frappuccino (another superior parenting moment), yet nothing would calm him down.  

Here's where I made my mistake.  I put Jonas down... on a bench, sitting up.  The bench wasn't too high off the floor (like knee level), and I was "watching him" and I was "right there", what could happen?  So, I start to give Marco more of my attention, trusting Jonas to stay put.  Marco started to calm down and things were looking better.  Then it happened, so fast that I didn't even realize what happened till my little baby was face down on the floor.  He rolled forward off the bench and fell on his face.  

Well, naturally he started screaming... which in turn got Marco freaked out again and he started screaming as well.  I immediately broke out into a nervous sweat and started cursing myself, all the while checking for broken bones or bruises.  Thankfully, there were none.  

Then I'm questioning, should I go to the hospital?  What if he has a concussion?  What if something is internally wrong and I can't see it?  What if I just caused brain damage? What if he's got organ bleeding?  What if........  

But I decided to head home and keep a careful eye on him.  I'm happy to report that he's been acting normally, his eyes are not dilated and he has no redness, swelling or bruising.  God is GOOD!  

I just keep reminding myself that I'm a total dumb@ss.  This could have been avoided... if I had only brought the stroller down.  If I had only brought down the carrier.  If I had not been so bothered by Marco's melt down.  I know accidents happen, but this could have been avoided.  

To console me, my mom recalled a time she fell down the stairs with me and had to call 911.  Then my step-mom told me of a time she dropped my step-brother from the highchair and ran outside so her husband wouldn't hear the screams and know what a horrible mother she was!  Yeah, it actually does make me feel a little better... my accident wasn't nearly as bad as either of theirs! 

Tubes

Since about January or February, we've been having ear issues at our house.  Both boys had double ear infections that would not quit.  They each had snotty noses, Jonas had lots of eye boogies, and Mauricio could smell the infections in their ears.  Isn't that amazing... he can SMELL it!  It's like his super power... detecting infections with his super human sniffing abilities!  In fact, most of the times that's how we know they have infections to begin with.  Mauricio will tell me their ears stink, I make an appointment and sure enough... ear infection!

My kids have never shown symptoms of being in discomfort or sick.  I don't get ear pulling, crankiness, clinginess, fever... nothing.  Occastionally we have a runny nose, but that's it.  There is really NO way for me to know if they are infected or not.  The ONLY time Marco has ever acted sick was when he had the stomach bug.  I must admit, I liked the clinginess a little... because I never get that from him!

So, they were each on a round of antibiotics... we went back to the doctor to get checked, where we learned it still wasn't cleared, and given another round of antibiotics. This routine happened 3 times.  Jonas had 3 rounds in a row and Marco had 4.  I mean, I'm not surprised that they kept passing the infection back and forth... really, Marco and Jonas french kiss each other a million times a day!  It was quite gross when they both had boogies running down their noses... they were like slurping up each other's germs... ewwwww!  I could try to contain it, but it was so hard!

About 2 weeks ago, we went to the pediatrician yet again to have a look at the ears.  I swear, we should just rent a room permanently at the pediatricians office... it's always something or another... it's one kid or the other.  So, she has a look and Jonas is cleared!  Woohooooo!  Marco, however, was not.  Boooo.  Another round of antibiotics for Marco... this was his 4th.  And then the dreaded speech came... it may be time to consider putting in tubes for Marco.  Oh no!

Today we went to see the ENT who would be doing the procedure if we agree to have it done.  He basically said that it's a quick procedure, about 15 minutes.  They give anestesia through a mask, so they have no need to inject or even put in an IV.  They would then put little tubes in the ears, sitting on the ear drums, that in essence allows the ear infection to have an escape route.  The tubes would fall out on their own in 1-2 years.

The amazing thing is that by the very next day, he should be back to normal.  He can even go swimming!  He said that given Marco's age, there should be no worries about going in the pool, because he wont be dunking or diving... at most it'll just splash, which is no problem at all.

So, I have talked to a few moms who have had the procedure done on their kids and so far I've heard nothing but positive things.  One of my student's mom says that once her daughter had it done, she has never had to go on antibiotics again for an ear infection!  And my sister-in-law, Bea, said that it was easy like 1-2-3 and nothing to be worried about.

Since I've grown up my whole life on one medication after another due to my various illnesses, I'm over it.  I do not want my children to be on medication... if it's absolutely necessary, then fine, but one round after another after another is not ok with me.  If I can find a permanent or semi-permanent solution that does not involve pumping my child's body with chemicals everyday, then I'll do it.  I think the risk of being on medication is far greater than the risk of having a procedure.

As you can see, I'm convinced.  The doctor said we can have it done by next week if we wanted.  I just have to talk it over with Daddy-o before we make our final decision.

If you've had to put your child through this, I'd love to hear your feedback!  Was it a positive or negative experience?  Anything I need to watch out for or question?  I need the advice of moms who've been there!  Please leave me a comment or you can email me at Tablefor4.Nicole@gmail.com.  Thanks!

Our 1st Trip to the ER

Last night we got to take our first trip to the ER.  (Well, our first trip because of one of the boys... we all know we've been their countless times on my account).  I know you're thinking Marco... being the crazy one... being the mischievous one... being the one that's in to everything... but you're wrong.  That's right... our first ER trip was on account of Baby Jonas! (Well, actually on account of Mauricio injuring my little darling angel baby Jonas).

In our house, Mauricio is the official nail cutter.  Because of my RA, I don't have to strength or steadiness in my hands for such a delicate task.  Mauricio has always been a pro at this chore.  He wrestles Marco when he has to, holds hands super tight and cuts quickly.

Last night, Mauricio was performing his nail cutting chore, beginning with Jonas.  Jonas was being a wiggle worm and as Mauricio approached the final finger on the first hand, he slipped!  The cutter went too deep and cut the nail too far, leaving a wide open gash.

Now, I know you're thinking, "you went to the ER for a NAIL?"  And, that's what I thought too... but you have NO idea how much blood that little nail produced!  I knew that we needed to hold the cut tightly in order to get the blood to clot.  So, I held, and I squeezed, and I wrapped, and I iced.  I played games... I'm not going to look for 10 whole minutes and by then it should have stopped.  After about 35 minutes of this, with blood still dripping down his little hand, I decided to call my dear friend, Stefania, who is a pediatrician and saves my butt on MANY occasions!

When I tell Stef what's been going on, she tells me to put pressure without looking.  Did it.  She tells me to ice it.  Did it.  When I told her it had been bleeding for over a half hour, she said "Sorry to have to tell you this, but it's time to take him to the ER".  Ahhh, bloody hell.  Literally!

So, at 9:45pm on a Sunday, we pack up the kids in the car, I jump in the back to hold the bloody hand, and we head out to the hospital.  Thankfully, the hospital was rather quick and empty.  Once the doctor came in, he glued his gash closed and bandaged up his little thumb.  We were back in the car with 2 sleepy but healthy babies by 11:00.

Mauricio feels so sad and guilty over what happened.  But, I've told him over and over that it was an accident and accidents happen.  Besides, with 2 boys, I'm sure we're going to have many, many, MANY visits to the ER in the future.  We'll probably have countless cuts, scrapes, broken bones, stitches, glue and casts!  That's just life with boys!