Written on Their Little Hearts

You know, sometimes I really don't give my kids enough credit.  I think, oh, they're too little to do this, or that... we'll wait til their older.

Like with praying.  I had been praying for them and over them since they were in my belly, but WITH them?  No, I thought it was better to wait til they were older... until I realized, WHY Wait?!  We began night time prayers and progressed with meal time prayers, and now, 9 times out of 10, they remind ME to pray with them!

But still, I didn't give them credit.  I still wanted to wait til they were older with Bible verse memorization.  I figured that it was going to be too difficult, and honestly, would they REALLY remember these verses word for word for life?  Probably not... I know I don't!  Try as I might, I have a hard time memorizing scripture and especially references... I'm always like "somewhere in the Bible I know it says"... which is about the most unhelpful thing ever.  Thank God for Google... seriously!

So I figured that my limitations would also be theirs, I mean, they're PREschoolers!  But oh, how I was proven wrong.

One day, coming home from church, Marco (at the time he was 3), began reciting the Bible verse they had learned, and Jonas (at the time he was 2) was following along slowly behind.  I.Was.Amazed.

I began thinking about the whole point of scripture memorization.  Yes, of course, it's so that you can bring it up to help others, to answer questions, to offer encouragement or share the Truth... but that's all outward.  What about the inward reason?  Isn't it important to learn, meditate and memorize these verses to help US daily?  To help us remember that we are children of the one true God.  To help us resist temptation and lies when they come at us.  To have the Truth so so so engraved on our hearts and minds that we don't even have to THINK about it... it's second nature.  To know the Word is Truth as simply and obviously as we know that the sky is blue or that the grass is green.

This is exactly what I want for my children.  And what better time than RIGHT NOW to begin putting those words in their mouths that will be written on their hearts.

So that hopefully, when (not if) struggles come their way, they can lean on the truths that they have been declaring since before they can remember.  So that they can hang on the promises and goodness of God.  So that they know that even if they don't have each other, or me, that they have Him and He is enough.

I bought a white board and hung it in my kitchen.  My plan was to teach and review one Bible verse a month.  I don't drill it or shove.  I teach it by repetition and using hand motions.  We say it sometimes when I'm in the kitchen preparing their food and always at night before bed.  They love it and always ask for more or want to also recite the ones from the past.

Here are some of the scriptures we have already done:
- "I praise you because you made me wonderful" Psalm 139:14
- "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind" Matthew 22:37
- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13
- "The Lord is good to all" Psalm 145:9
- "God saw all that He had made, and it was very good" Genesis 1:31
- "Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever" Psalm 136:1 *This month

As you can see, we haven't been doing it that long at all, but it is something I love and cherish and plan to continue.  We started when the boys were 3 and 2, but I wish we hadn't waited so long.

If this is something that's important to you and your family, let me encourage you not to wait!  Start today!  Give your child some credit... even if she/he's too little.  Try it and you might be surprised, as I was.  They are little sponges and are picking up more than we think.  And even if you have a baby, who will obviously not recite after you... pray these verses over her.  Let her hear you speaking the Truth to her.  We are planting a seeds in our children's hearts and I know that this is just one of the ways He has showed me how to water it.

"I will my law on their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people"- Jeremiah 31:33

Support

When I lived away from home- from where my family lived- when I was a young adult, newly wed and new mother, I was always very proud of being independent.  I loved the fact that we could and would do anything we wanted.  I loved that I had no one to rely on but my husband, and I think that that gave us a very strong foundation to lay on.  We had no one around, so we had to figure things out together.  And even now, I strongly recommend that newlyweds go live away from their family units... doesn't have to be FAR away, but far enough that you can't go get meals 3 times a week!  I felt like it helped us define ourselves and focus on making a NEW family... OUR family.

But when we had kids, things changed.  It wasn't so "fun" living so far.  It was actually a little heartbreaking.  And it was exhausting.  We had no support.  We were always tired.  We had no breaks.  We became lonely.  (Honestly, I don't know if Mauricio felt this way, but I know that I certainly did and even battled a little PPD after having Jonas because of my isolation). 

My dad would always guilt me by saying that he was missing his grandchildren's lives.  He would tell me how unfair it was that we lived so far and how we didn't realize it, but that we NEEDED them.  

I didn't want to believe him.  Remember, I was proud of being independent.  

And yeah, I COULD do it on my own.  But then why was it so hard?  Why was it so painful?  Why was it so lonely?

We moved to Miami a year ago... straight into my in-laws house.  We lived 20 minutes from my dad and an hour and a half from my mom.  All of a sudden we had more hands to hold our kids than we could count!  

And much to my disappointment, we realized how much we needed their support.  They wrapped their arms around us and our babies, shoved good food down our throats and let us relax a bit. 

It has been such an incredible blessing to have had my in-laws allow us to live in their house for over a year.  They have taken care of our kids thousands of times, whether it be for a night out or for a quick grocery run.  They have given hundreds of baths, fed hundreds of meals, changed hundreds of dirty diapers.  Their support is what helped me to become healthy again and allowed me a chance to rejuvenate. 

It has been such an incredible blessing to have lived nearby my dad and step-mom.  They love taking care of our boys and it makes me so happy to see how they are not a burden on them, but rather a joy!  And my step-mom... that woman has a servant's heart like I've never seen.  She has cleaned my new house from top to bottom, 3 times (at least) so that we can move into a clean house.  She came over to clean, the day after our close, when the power had just turned on and the house was still a sauna.  She cleaned... in her bra... with sweat dripping down... and never complained.  Actually she said, "Ooo, hopefully I lose some pounds doing this!"  When I'm feeling sick, she comes over to take care of my kids and do my laundry and has even cleaned my portion of the in-laws house for me!  I have always been grateful to have her in my life... but since moving back, it's been more evident than ever.

And it has been such an incredible blessing to have my mom and step-dad semi-close too!  About 3 years ago, they moved to Naples, FL which is only about an hour and a half west of Miami.  But that hour and a half does not scare them.  They come on a weekly basis to see me and my kids!  Often times they come and return on the same day... that's over 3 hours in a car just for a visit!  Anytime I have a doctor's appointment, my mom drives into Miami to be able to help me with the kids, so that I can meet with the doctor and actually concentrate, while she plays with them.  Most of the times, she has to leave her house by 6am to get here on time to come with me!  And then she always takes us out to lunch!  She and my step-dad have always been extremely generous and are constantly helping us financially however they can.  And remember when I totalled my car last year and she just GAVE me her car?  Yeah, I'm still driving it. 

Support.

This is the kind of support that I couldn't get living hundreds of miles away.  

This is the kind of support that has helped me gain weight, get back on my meds and get healthy again. 

This is the kind of support that has helped us be able to afford to buy a new house. 

This is the kind of support that my marriage needs to stay strong. 

This is the kind of support that my children need to feel fully and overflowingly loved. 

Now, I'm not saying that we'll live here forever, because only God knows what's in store for us.  And the truth is, while we LOVE our family... we HATE generally dislike Miami.  But, the good news is that we just bought a house, so we'll probably be here for a while.  Just sayin'. 

Jonah

This summer my mother-in-law and I did a Bible study together. We met every wednesday morning at a church with about 50 other women and studied the book of Jonah.  We used a curriculum book, workbook and dvd set by Priscilla Shirer and she was amazing.

Throughout the course of the 6 week study, I learned a lot about Jonah, but even more about myself.

I'm sure, whether your a Christian, an atheist or a 3 year old, you've heard the wildly unbelievable story of Jonah; the man who was swallowed by a whale (or "big fish" according to the Bible), spit out 3 days later, and lived to tell about it!  But what I learned throughout the course of the study, was that the whale was really only a small part of Jonah's story.

If you have time to read through the book of Jonah, I encourage you to do so.  It's only 4 chapters long and should really take you no more than a half hour to read through.

Throughout the book, you see that Jonah knew God... like really knew Him.  They had a relationship... they talked to each other.  Jonah could hear Him clearly.  So when God told Jonah to go to Ninevah and deliver a message, there was no confusion.  Jonah knew exactly what God was telling him to do.

And he ran.  He deliberately disobeyed God.

Haven't we all been there?  Haven't we heard God speak to us and deliberately disobeyed Him?  Or pretended like we didn't hear Him?  I have!

So throughout the study we were challenged to find our own "Ninevah's".  A place where God has asked us to go to that we DON'T want to go.  And we have a choice... to obey or not.

For me, one "Ninevah" that I knew God was calling me to was with MOPS.  I knew God was telling me to take over the MOPS in Miami... but I didn't want to do it.  I could hear God telling me that that's where He wanted me, but I was reluctant.  But when I finally did obey, I knew that I knew that I knew that that was where I was supposed to be.

A "Ninevah" that God revealed to me during the course of this class was homeschooling.  I felt like God was whispering it to me... but I am soooooo reluctant to do it.  I never wanted to homeschool.  I don't have the patience.  (I'll be posting more about this next week).

Here's what I most took from the study.  God can see the big picture.  We can not.  We see things linearly... God sees things in every way imaginable... from the front, back, beginning, end, sides and in between.  So God knows that what He is asking us to do now will create repercussions throughout our lives and other people's lives for all of eternity.  Does He NEED us to do it?  Does He NEED us in order to accomplish the goal?  Absolutely NOT!  He's GOD!  But WE need Him.  We need what He's offering us.
"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28
Doesn't that bring you hope?!  We can trust, without a doubt, that whatever scary thing God is asking us to do, will inevitably be for good.

Jonah's disobedience caused him to be thrown overboard and swallowed by a fish.  While we think that the fish is the consequence to his disobedience, it was really his saving grace.  Had that fish not swallowed him, he would have drowned and would not have been able to complete the task God had laid before him.  Although reluctant, he went to Ninevah, and an entire city was changed.  God used ONE man to turn the hearts of thousands.  Jonah didn't want to do it... but he obeyed anyway.

We have to let go of our "feelings" and just do it.  We have to trust God enough to know that His promises are true always.  And our "feelings" and our "emotions" are hormonal and imbalanced and not absolute truth.

When God tells us to move, we need to obey regardless of how we feel.  God will take care of us.  God sees the big picture.  God is guiding us.  God loves us.  And God wants to use us to change us and to be a tool to help change others.

Be encouraged, friend.  The road up ahead may be scary, but you've got Him right beside you.  And if He brings you TO it, He will see you THROUGH it!

Random Acts of Kindness

Today I'm linking up with Brooke at Covered in Grace for a new link-up called Acts Of Kindness!  I loved this as soon as I heard about it and couldn't wait to participate!  You should head on over to Brooke's blog and check her out (after you read this one of course).




The theme for this month was Random Acts of Kindness.  My "act" was not super random, but I'll share it anyway.

Ever since Marco was born, I've been collecting baby boy clothes.  I received an inheritance of sorts from my best friend who had had a boy 4 years before, but then had a girl.  I also received a lot of clothing at my baby shower.  At first I was collecting for if by chance God decided to bless me with another son, I'd have a good wardrobe already.  And then he did... Jonas was born.  Once Jonas was born, I had no need to buy clothes for some time... the seasons were slightly off but we managed.  But everyone else kept buying clothes for him.  Every time someone would come and visit, they came with clothes for the kids.  What a huge blessing for me!

But when it was time for us to move from Greenville to Miami, and we finally packed up all the "old clothes"... the ones that the boys had already gone through, we realized we were abundantly blessed!

8 plastic bins blessed!

8 plastic bins full of clothes that we did not purchase!

8 plastic bins stuffed to the very top with anything and everything a baby boy would need, clothes-wise.  So much clothes that there was no way to possibly go through all of it without your child outgrowing it first!  Ranging from premie sized all the way to 3T.  (yes, Jonas isn't at 3T yet, but we still have so much to spare that I can be picky about exactly what I want to keep!)

Now we're on the verge of another move and we do not want to lug these 8 bins around.  So I decided to sort, organize, bag and label all of the contents.  I put them all in trash bags... 12 of them!  And I put up on facebook if any new mom's wanted to come by and pick up whatever they needed.

Only one girl responded.  She came over and got everything she wanted.

Then my cousin came into town and she's currently pregnant with a baby boy, so I let her have a go.  She took home 2 trash bags filled to the tippity top!

But I still had 8 full... and no one who seemingly wanted to take them... for FREE.

I thought, how hard can it be to give something away for free... come on!  But that's because God had a special plan for those clothes.

I was talking to an aquaintance at a Bible Study... she's a lot older than me and her husband is one of the pastors of a local church.  I was telling her that we had so much clothes to give but couldn't find anyone... even a church turned me down.

Then she told me of a woman who needed them.  Apparently she has a new baby boy and her husband just left her.  She's alone now, a single mother, trying to survive.

My heart broke.

The very next day I was at that local church delivering a blessing to a woman who desperately needed one!

My trash was her treasure!

I never met the single mom, in fact I don't even know her name.  But I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when she opened up those bags and saw that she wouldn't have to buy clothes for a looooong while.

God provided for her.

And I'm so blessed to have been a blessing.

VBS

I hope you'll excuse my absence this week, but I've been really busy.  I volunteered to teach VBS this week and on Saturday we're having a birthday party for Marco... not to mention Father's Day and Mauricio's birthday which are also coming up.  Needless to say, I've been a little busy.  Be on the look out for an awesome post about Marco's 3rd Birthday party... it's a Pirate Pool Paarrrrty!  And of course, a Father's Day post as well!

As I said earlier, I volunteered through the church that hosts MOPS to teach a VBS class for this week. For those of you who are not aware, VBS is Vacation Bible School.  It's basically a Bible Camp that is held by most churches for one week throughout the summer and they vary in curriculum and subject matter, but it's always Christian and Bible based.  It's a lot of fun for the kids and it gets them talking, singing and reading about God!

The children are on a rotation of Bible lesson, snacks and recreation, and crafts.  I am teaching the middle school groups, which are split into two groups; boys and girls.  I can not say it enough... I LOVE middle schoolers!   What is it about them that I'm so drawn to?  Most people are afraid of the challenge that middle schoolers bring... especially the boys, but I would take them over elementary aged kids any day.  They are so inquisitive and smart, yet also sassy and goofy.  They want to show you that they have a cool or tough exterior, but you know that they still want to please and impress you.

The church really does a great job of making sure that these kids are well taken care of and are having fun.  I don't get to see all the aspects of it, since I'm teaching indoors, but they come to me all happy and sweaty, so they must be enjoying themselves.

The curriculum theme for the church is Creationism.  This is such an important topics for children to become grounded upon at an early age.  Today, public schools are speaking about evolution earlier and earlier.  Students are not questioning this doctrine but rather becoming indoctrinated by it.  It is our job as Christians to be sure that they are hearing the other side of that coin... and instead of being intimidated by a vast topic such as this one, we should be going straight for it.  Why is it important that we believe that God created us and not evolution?  Because everything else stems from there... our belief system is completely intertwined and dependent on this subject.  If God did not create us, then we should have no morals, concept of right and wrong or emotions such as love.  We know what love is because God loved us first.  God breathed His love into us in the beginning of time.

I am getting so many amazing questions from this group of pre-teens.  They are really thinking about the material and grasping onto it with two fists.  It's so encouraging to see that there are young people who love God and are eager to learn more about His word.

Marco and Jonas are also enrolled in VBS.  They are both loving it.  Mind you, their curriculum is quite different, but they are still learning some things and doing crafts, playing games and singing.  They're having a blast!

VBS has been such an incredible experience... probably more so for me than for my kiddos.  I'll definitely be participating for years to come.

Bible Stories: David & Goliath

Mauricio tells the boys Bible stories before bed... He alters them a little so that they're less violent and at their level and I just think its the sweetest thing! This is what I heard pouring through the baby monitor the other night:

One time there was a boy named David and David was very brave. Brave means not scared. And his Papai told him to go take care of the sheep. But one day there came a lion... And how does a lion go?
Raaaaaaawrrrrr

So David took a stone and put it into his sling and began to swing it around and around faster and faster like this. :making whooshing sound: and when it got real fast, he let it go... it went flying and hit the lion on the head!  The lion scared and ran away!  Then David knew he was brave.

Then another day the Papai told David to go take his brothers some lunch... David had 8 brothers. How many brothers do you have?
One

So when he got there with the lunch, he saw a real big guy... His name was Goliath. And Goliath was big like a house! Goliath was saying real mean things about God and David's brothers were upset. Goliath said he would only stop saying bad things about God if someone came to fight him... And everyone was too scared. But not David... He was brave because he had already fought the lion. So he said, "I'll fight you!" and Goliath started laughing saying "you can't beat me, you're just a little boy". But David was brave so he went a took a rock and put it in his slingshot and began swinging it around like this :make whooshing sound: and faster and faster and he threw it at his head! Goliath was hit and he started crying and ran away!!! All of David's brothers were saying "yay David! You're so brave!".  But David knew that he was only brave because he loved God and God made him strong.

The End.

Tubes: Round Two

Today Jonas had ear tubes implanted in both his ears.  This is our second time going through this... we had to get them for Marco back in July.
Read his story HERE.

I'll have to say that I felt a lot more confident and less anxious than the first time around.  We knew the drill and we were perfectly calm.

We arrived at the hospital at 6am and were checked in.  He was scheduled to be the second surgery of the day... since you have to be fasting before surgery, they schedule it by age.  By 7am we were taken into the pre-op room and he was given a bed, a blanket, some stickers and a car.

He was a little confused, but over all very calm and relaxed. Everyone was shocked that a toddler would just lay down in the bed and chill like that.  He's very serious.  It's his way.

Before long, the anesthesiologist came in to give us the run down.  Basically, they'd give him a medicine through the nose that makes them groggy and loopy.  Then once inside the OR, they'd give him the mask which will put him to sleep.  The doctor then performs the procedure and within 5-10 minutes he's back out in recovery.  No needles.  No IV.  No blood at all.  Simple.

Then the doctor came in to answer any further questions we may have had.  We had none.

The nurse came back with the nose medicine.  He wasn't fond of it... I mean, who can blame him?  But within a minute he was acting... drunk.  It was hysterical.  And, yes, we recorded it.  (Maybe I'll grace you with that little gem in the future). 


Since he was so drunk happy, they took him away from us with no problem.  He was gone, we were ushered back into the waiting room and then we waited.

That's the hardest part... waiting.  Every minute feels like 5.  We kept thinking it was taking longer than it had with Marco.  Then a hint of worry set in... what if there was a complication?  What if he's not taking to the anesthesia well? What if......

I prayed that Jesus would guide the doctor, hold tightly to my boy and ease my fears.  Just then the nurse came back in to get us.  We waited for about 10 minutes.

Jonas was just coming out from under... he was crying and confused.  He cried for a while, which is normal.  We tried soothing him with his paci, blanket, a walk to the window and offered him some juice.  He was in such a frenzy that he threw up a little.  We let him cry for about 15 minutes before heading out.  Once we were outside, he was more calm.

We got home at 8:30 and Marco had just woken up.  (No, we didn't leave him alone... my FIL was still home).  Jonas hung out for a while, then decided he was up for playing and by 10 he was completely back to his rascally and mischievous self.

So happy both of my boys are over and done with this... onto more healthy days.

The Right Decision Made

Back when Jonas was born, I wrote this post about having to make the decision to get my tubes tied.  I know a lot of people have read that story and been touched by it.  I know that in writing it, I was trying to convince myself that I made a good decision and that it was the only way.

But it broke my heart.

At that time, I wasn't ready to say "we'll always be a family of 4".  I still dreamt of one day holding a baby girl in my arms.  My body missed having a baby inside.  I thought I'd one day long for more.

And then I got to know Jonas.  I mean, I really got to know him.  And I learned that that boy is work... lots of work.  So, my baby fever got put on hold.

Then I started to watch him and Marco together.  The way they love each other.  The way they play together.  They're two peas in a pod.  A match made in heaven.

And I felt...
Complete

Recently, I've felt more secure in my decision than ever before.  I've learned in the past few weeks that THREE of my friends are pregnant.  And all I feel is happiness for them.  Not a hint of jealousy.

Where before I used to feel an ache in my body... a yearning for another.  Now, all I want to say, "so happy it's you... and not me".  That's a sure sign.

I know that the decision I made... although hasty and forced upon me... was the right one after all.  God gave me a great gift... I'm content.  I know that this is exactly the way my family was always meant to be.  We were always meant to have a Table for 4.

An Unlikely Superhero

God made a promise to His people that he was going to send them a messiah... someone to save them... a savior... a superhero. 

I'm pretty sure that people back then were thinking more along the lines of this:

The perfect picture of strength, boldness, fearlessness and grit.  He wins in the end. 

Nowadays, we picture saviors and superheros like this:

Untouchable and smokin' hot.  Batman does not lose.

But that's not what God had in mind when He envisioned a Savior for us.  Instead, He sent us this:

A little baby.  Born to a teenage mother.  

A baby was sent to save the world.  

A baby... the perfect picture of innocence, purity and goodness.  

How can a baby do anything?  Much less, save the entire world!  

A baby is the most unlikely superhero the world has ever known!

But isn't that something about the way God works.  He chooses something small and weak to make a big statement about who He is.  If God can make a BABY save us, what CAN'T He do?!  

Unlike a gladiator or Batman, that baby did lose the battle, in the eyes of this world.  

He lost his life so that we might live.  He gave it all for us.  This bloodied man is the perfect picture of sacrifice and love.  He lost, so that we can win.  

Today, make it a point to remember that a little baby was born into the world with only one purpose: 

To die. For you. 

 

My Heart Overflowed

Ever since having my babies, I've been praying for them.  Naturally, I've been praying for their futures, for their safety, health and well being.  But most importantly I've been praying that they develop a love and passion for Jesus and that they grow to know Him personally.

It's easy to think that because they are babies or toddlers, that they can not comprehend the deep and powerful message behind who Jesus is.  And this is true.  I mean, most adults can't grasp that message.  But just because their minds can't contain it, doesn't mean that their hearts can't begin to turn towards Him.  Besides, it's Jesus who calls us to Him.  He even calls the little children to Him.

So when this began to touch my heart, we decided to start praying with the boys.  Now Marco prays at bed... usually just thanking for all his food and his family.  Then he says a proud "Namen" at the end.  Although it's usually coaxed out of him, it's still sweet.

Today, I was amazed at what Jesus is doing in Marco's heart.  And I've been in prayer all day that He just takes hold of my little boys heart and pulls him directly to Him.

We were in the car on the way to church and out of nowhere, Marco says, "Jonas, we're gonna pray.  Thank you Jesus... (I couldn't hear this part because he lowered his voice because he knew we were listening)... Namen".

My heart overflowed.  I don't know what he was praying for... but basically he lead his brother in prayer. And even though his prayer was a mystery to me, I know that Jesus saw Marco and knew exactly what he was saying.  He heard my sons prayer and He embraced it.

And I just pray that the Lord gives Mauricio and I the wisdom and understanding to lead our children in His ways.

Salvation Stories

Today I'm linking up with Callie Nicole from Through Clouded Glass to share the story of my Salvation.  She had this wonderful idea to create a blog link-up where we all shared our stories, in anticipation for Thanksgiving.  I don't know why I never have sweet ideas like this, but I'm glad at least somebody does!  So, thanks girl!

My story is rather simple... it is not one of revelation or white lights.  I did not feel anything when I finally decided to give my whole life to Jesus.  It was completely a conscious decision, made purposefully... it was not feeling drivin or emotional.  

I grew up in a "Christian home".  We went to church almost every Sunday.  I went to Christian school and later a Catholic High School.  I grew up singing hymns and Bible songs.  I went to children's church, VBS, and youth group.  I knew all the right answers... "Jesus"... "The Bible says so"... etc.  But had I given my life to Jesus?  My whole life?  Every single part of me?  No.

I remember being 5 years old.  I was in Kindergarden and we went to chapel weekly.  At the end of the chapel service, the pastor would ask if anyone wanted to invite Jesus into their heart, to repeat a prayer.  I did.  I felt good.  I knew Jesus and loved him... I really did.  But then the next week came, the pastor asked us to invite Jesus into our hearts, and I did again... just in case He didn't hear me the first time.  And this went on... for years.  I wasn't absolutely certain that He was there... of course, I was only 5 and I didn't fully understand.  But, I also didn't ask my parents. 

In my teen years, I became overwhelmingly rebellious.  I still went to church on Sundays... but with a massive hangover and sunglasses on to cover my dozing eyes.  Youth group was a joke... it was a way for us to show off to one another and brag about who did what and with who.  But, during the service, we all still knew the right answers... and even could recite Bible verses at this point.  I believe Jesus was in fact still residing in my heart, but I had buried Him so deeply underneath my own desires, that you couldn't tell He was there at all.   I really felt like I was young and that I'd have time to be a "good Christian" later.  At this point, I just wanted to have fun.

Then in my late teens I fell even farther away from Jesus.  When I was diagnosed with RA and began to have physical disabilities, I became frustrated and depressed.  Instead of leaning on my faith and trusting in the Lord, I found comfort in alcohol.  I knew that what I was doing was wrong... I knew I was a disappointment... but I shut out those thoughts and voices and continued to drown my sorrows.  I soon realized that it wasn't enough.  I had such a huge hole in my chest... a void that was making me empty.  But I was so angry with my situation that I couldn't turn back. 

Mauricio and I started dating when I was 21.  He was still in high school and only 17.  I had known him for years already, as he went to youth group with me.  Since I was older than him and since he wanted to be with me so badly, I was able to persuade him to fall into the hole with me.  He had his own problems at the time too, and we both knew that we were "bad Christians".  

It wasn't until about 2 years later that a change was made.  All of a sudden, Mauricio changed.  He was not the guy I was originally with.  He didn't want to party anymore... and that was the least of it.  He had been convicted.... convicted to turn his life around, grow up, trust in Jesus and lead us to a future that was pleasing to Him.  At first, I didn't like it.  I had been this way for a long time and it was hard to change... really hard.

You know, that's the thing they don't tell you about becoming a Christian.  Changing doesn't happen overnight and it's not easy.  But Mauricio was praying for me and so was I... that Jesus would open my eyes and my heart and that I'd love and obey Him.  And so I started to... little by little.  I let go of a lot of my friends and made new ones.  It wasn't easy and it hurt a lot, but I knew it was the only way for me to be right with Jesus.  I changed my behavior first, and my heart followed.  I made the conscious decision to stop doing the things I knew were not pleasing to Jesus, even against my own desire and will.  And after practicing that... denying myself... my heart began to change... it became softer. 

You see, for me it was different.  I knew the truth about Jesus.  I believed He was the Son of God.  I believed He came to the earth for the forgiveness of my sins.  I believed He was my Savior.  I had all the head knowledge... all of it.  But I hadn't surrendered. I hadn't given Him my whole life.  

"... for whoever loses his life for my sake will find it".  Matthew 10:39

So I lost my life.  I gave it to Him.  And guess what?  I found it.  I found the life that He has wanted me to live.  And it has FAR exceeded my expectations!  His future for me has been filled with love, blessing and light.  I can't believe I ever wanted to do it alone!  

Throughout the years I have surrendered even more... although I'm sure there's far more to go.  I have learned more about the identity of Christ, but not just with my head... also with my heart.  And the more I learn about who Jesus is, the more I fall in love with Him.

Now I still say that prayer every Sunday to invite Jesus into my heart.  But not because I don't think He's there, or that my time with Him has expired or that He didn't hear me the first thousand times.  I say it now as a reminder.  A reminder of who I am and to whom I belong.  Jesus is my Savior.  I am His, completely. 

Totalled

We were in a pretty serious car accident this morning.  Thankfully the boys and I are ok.  But the car is not... it's totalled.

We were on our way to music class, driving down a major road, when I could hear Marco fidgeting with his car seat clip... the top one.  I yelled, "You better click!" and I glanced in the rearview mirror to be sure he was buckled and when I looked back, we were speeding head first into a tractor.

There was a landscaping truck with a long flat bed that had a trailer hitched to it with a small tractor on it.  This truck was backing up into the main highway from a side street.  Instead of coming onto the main road face forward, he was backing into it.  I can't remember what happened exactly because it was all so fast, but I do know that I did not see it or notice that it was backing up until I was crashing.  I did not have time to break or swerve.  It was a head on collision going about 35 mph.

The kids screamed, the air bags deployed and the car filled with smoke.  I tumbled out of the car, disoriented, but only thinking about the kids.  I opened their doors and noticed that they were ok.  They were scared but they weren't crying or bleeding.  I pulled them out of the car because I was afraid of the smoke and a Good Samaritan woman stopped to help me.  She held Jonas for me and called Mauricio to tell him what had happened.  I was bleeding from a busted lip, but other than that I was feeling ok.  I was really shaken up and nervous, but mostly worried about the children.

The paramedics arrived at the scene, looked over the boys and checked our vitals.  They said the kids looked ok but I should take them to the ER just to be sure.  I opted not to because they were acting normally and had no injuries.  (We've been watching them all day to be sure everything is normal, and it has been).

The cop asked me if I was speeding and I told her that I do not speed... especially with my kids in the car. She didn't believe me and rolled her eyes.  I then had to defend myself and tell her to look around.  There were no skid marks on the street, no brake marks... I did not see the truck until I crashed.  If I had been speeding the kids and I would not be walking away from this accident with no more than a bloody lip.  We'd be taken in the ambulance with serious injury if I had been speeding.  She agreed with me and dropped the subject.

But unfortunately, she didn't issue a ticket to either party.  She said that we were both "at fault"... although I disagree.  I believe that if a truck of that size needs to come out of a street, they can not back out into a main road... they need to make a 3 point turn, even if it's really a 20 point turn.  In the time it took me to look in my rearview mirror and look back, we were in grave danger.

Moms, how many of you do not peek back at your kids to give them a sippy cup or check to be sure they're not picking their nose... or anything?!  We all do it!  And in that second, I put my family, my babies in danger.  It's crazy when I think about all that could have happened!  God is so good... we are safe.

Now that a few hours have passed, I am feeling a bit sore and emotionally tired.  My hand is bruised and my arm is sore.  My face is swollen, I have a black eye and a bruised lip.  I have a seat belt burn on my left shoulder.  Marco also has a small seat belt burn on the right side of his neck.  But that's it.  No other damage.  Amazing.

Marco has been experiencing a bit of post-traumatic stress.  He took a short nap and woke up crying, saying "Mama car... Mama crash".  And for a while after he was just repeating, "Crash" and clapping his hands together.  There's also some dried blood on his car seat (from me) and when he saw it he said, "Mama ay-ay" (ay-ay= boo boo).  He seemed very worried and kept reliving it.  We just kept telling him, "Yes, we crashed and the car went bye-bye, but we're ok and we're safe... Jesus kept us safe".  At prayers he said, "Thanks Jesus for the car and for the crash"... it's been quite eventful.

Here's some pics from the scene:

And then later on when I went to the junk yard to release it to the insurance, I got another look at the damage and was filled again with thankfulness.  

So now... my mom is saving the day and letting me borrow her car until we figure out what our next move is.  We are in no position to purchase a new car, so... we'll just have to see what happens next.  The only thing I know for sure is... Jesus is my protector.  Thanks be to Him!

Scared Me to Death

On Saturday I experienced my first REAL scare of motherhood.  I've already had plenty of scares... Jonas' birth situation, a fender bender when Marco was 2 months old, Jonas falling off a chair... but NOTHING like this.

We were getting ready to go out and celebrate my in-laws' birthdays.  Everyone was home... my in-laws were in their room getting ready, Mauricio was in the bathroom, Mirella and Alfredo were playing with Jonas in the living room and I was primping.  All of a sudden, I think, "hm, where's Marco?"  So I walk to the living room and notice that just Jonas is there.  Then I ask Mau if he'd seen him... no.  Oh, well then he's got to be in the room with my in-laws, watching Gabba or Barney, right?  I knocked on the door and my father-in-law answered... "Hey, Marco's in there with you, right".  "No".  But he's a kidder, so I gave him a face.  And he replied dead serious, "Nicole, he's not here with us".  Ok, at that point, I freaked.

We start screaming, "Marco!" and we notice that the front door is closed but unlocked.  So Mauricio runs outside screaming his name.  A neighbor from the cul-de-sac comes by and says "oh, that's your little boy?  I saw him over there, and there was no adult around... I didn't know who he belonged to".  Where is over there?  ACROSS THE STREET!!!  The house across the busy street had a toy car wagon sitting on the porch and Marco had wandered over there to go check it out.

I'm standing in my driveway to take this picture.  See the house behind the stop sign with the blue car parked outside?  THAT'S WHERE HE WAS!!!  Hello!?  That's far!  How long was he out there alone?  To wander a bit... spot the toy... walk across the street.  O.M.G!

When Mauricio got hold of him, he spanked him, right there in the street.  Then he spanked him again when we got home... with no pants.  Then he went on time-out... a looooong one.  Then we had a real stern talk with him.

All the while I was hysterical... bawling.  Thinking of all the things that COULD have happened to him!  He could have wandered into the back yard and gotten into the pool... he could have gotten hit by a car backing up, or hit by one on the street... he could have been harmed by a stray dog... he could have been taken!  My heart was simply shattered!  Thank the Lord Jesus that He was protecting my baby from harm... and all that really happend was a big scare!

We kept telling him that he always has to be able to see Mama or Papai.  If not, he's gonna go away and never see us again!  I don't know if he really understood, but he was crying a lot.  I think he was worried because I was crying so much and he never sees me cry.  So much for my brainwashing with Nemo... wasn't quite as effective as I thought.  But I'm not giving up... every chance I get I'm drilling that into his head.

Now, we make sure that the chain is always on the door.  Whenever someone leaves, I make sure to get up and chain the door.  We have to be diligent about it to ensure that this wont happen again.

I have never been so scared in my life!  But God is GOOD!

Being a Mom with RA

I've been wanting to write this post for a very long time... but it's something I had to wrap my head around and decide exactly what to write and how much to divulge.  So I decided to divulge everything... full transparency... even in those places I'm most complexed about.

I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis for over 10 years now.  I was diagnosed at 17, after having unexplained joint pain that was debilitating.  Before being diagnosed, there were days I couldn't stand up from being on the floor, or close my car door.  I didn't understand what was going on, but I knew it was severe.  After learning of my disease, I began to take action, but for the first few years nothing really seemed to work.  My pain was so extreme that by the time I was 19 I could barely walk.  I couldn't climb stairs, I couldn't wash my hair, I couldn't get up off the toilet.  It was the hardest time in my life.  I was a young woman with my whole life ahead of me, and yet I felt like I was trapped in the body of a dying 90 year old.  I fell into a deep depression and turned to things I am not proud of.

Then I found a medication that finally started working for me... Enbrel.  After taking my first dose, I immediately felt a difference.  Shortly thereafter Mauricio and I became involved and then I graduated college and decided to move out.  Only a few years before I thought I would never have a job, have a boyfriend, be independent... and then I was doing it!

After getting married, I began researching the affects of my medication while pregnant or nursing.  We knew we wanted to have kids and the way I saw it was, I'm as strong now as I'm ever gonna be, and I'm not getting any younger, so let's do this!  I learned that although Enbrel was a class B drug and mildly safe to take during pregnancy, it's counterpart, Methotrexate was not.  Enbrel and Methotrexate work hand-in-hand to attack the disease and the inflammation.  They really are super drugs... but in pregnancy, they really are super dangerous drugs.  In fact, Methotrexate is also commonly given to terminate a pregnancy when there is a problem, such as a tubal pregnancy or a chromosomal disorder.  There was no way I could safely take these drugs and have a baby.  I wasn't even going to risk it with taking just Enbrel, because seeing as it's a relatively new drug, new tests and research are coming out daily.  And, I just learned yesterday that they have recently linked women taking Enbrel while pregnant to children with Lymphoma.  HOLY COW! So glad I trusted my instincts!

So, in October of 2008, I took my last dose of RA medication.  I trusted God to reduce my pains and get me through.  It's also known that RA goes into remission during pregnancy.  There is no pain... but the disease is still active and causing damage.  I got pregnant that month and felt fine.  My RA stiffness and pain didn't return until roughly 6 months after Marco was born.  At that time, I  made an appointment to see a Rheumatologist, but it took so long to get me in, that by the time my appointment came along, I was pregnant again!  So, I didn't get back on meds.  And I'm still not on any meds... 11 months post pardum.  That's 35 months with NO RA MEDICATION!  Amazing!  God is so good.

But now it's time for me to get back to business.  This disease has been super active during my hiatus and has caused irreversible damage.  At this point, the only way to have "normalcy" is through surgery.  I'm not ready for that yet, but I know it's in my future.  Let me show you some of my most obvious damage:

Here we have some pictures of my hands.  That's as much as I can open them.  As you can see, the left one is FAR worse than the right.  (the pics were taken on my computer, so your left is also my left... like a mirror).  I have trouble typing... every time I type the T, my middle finger touches the 4... DANG IT!  I have trouble playing the piano... with the left hand I usually just play root notes.  I can't open ANYTHING... sippy cups are my nemesis!  Changing diapers takes forever.  Please tell me why baby clothes have to have so many blasted snaps?!  And car seats?  Oh, my... I can only open ONE kind of car seat clicker... and thankfully they make it in infant and toddler sized seats.  It's the Graco one that you push down instead of pushing in.  But even that, I need to use two hands.

My mouth can not close in the front.  Notice in this picture... my molars are touching, but my front teeth are not.  That's because the joint that connects your jaw (by your ear) has disolved.  It's gone.  Thus, it has moved my bottom jaw back and created a gap in the front.  My face has changed COMPLETELY from before I had RA.  The shape is drastically different.  (one day I'll do a before and after picture).  Although you may think, ah, that's silly, believe me... you want your front teeth to close.  You know how difficult it is to eat pizza?  or a sandwich?  Tomatos slide right out of my teeth.  Also, I'm afraid that since my top teeth never have any pressure on them and aren't used, eventually they'll die.  That'll be a sight!

Here's a picture of one of my feet.  All the toes are crunched and shifted outward.  I also have a nodule on the outside of my foot that has grown to compensate for my weak ankles that shift my weight to that side.  I have already had that nodule removed... and it grew back in less than a year.  I am unable to wear any kind of heals... not even a wedge.  I mostly wear flip flops because they don't constrict my toes and offer me the most comfort, although they do not offer any support.  I am fearful that my feet will be my biggest challenge, obstacle and problem.  When your feet hurt, your whole body hurts... you just can't function.  I'm afraid that one day I'm just not going to be able to walk anymore. 

Living with RA has been the biggest challenge of my life.  Being in constant pain and seeing your own body transformed with nothing you can do about it is a horrible feeling.  I have always strived to not let anything hold me down.  I do not want to be defined by my disease.  I did not want my disease to dictate whether or not I had children.  And now, I do not want my disease to dictate whether or not I can play with my kids, or take them to the park, or take them to Disney World.

I WILL do everything a "normal mom" does.  I WILL change all their diapers. I WILL change all their clothes. I WILL put them in and take them out of the car seat.  I WILL put the stroller in my car.  I WILL take them to play dates.  I WILL get on the floor with them to play.  I WILL do the hokey-pokey.  All these things, that for "normal moms" come easy, for me is not so easy... for me, it's a daily challenge.  But for me, I know that my strength comes from the Lord.  There is not a doubt in my mind or heart that HE is the only one that makes what I do possible.  How can I not be amazed at his grace, when I look at myself and I KNOW that I shouldn't be able to do these things... but I do, and I do them well.  Only by Him.

Opened Doors

Whenever I've had a big decision to make, my prayer has always been the same: God, if it's for me and if it's the best thing for me, make it happen.  If it isn't, then close that door and don't even allow it to be an option.  I have never prayed for God to make something specific happen, because I truly believe with all my heart that His plans are far greater than any of our plans.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11


Before I graduated from college, I was toying with the idea of heading off to grad school in New York to pursue my opera career.  I had an audition (round 2) at the Manhattan School of Music.  Very prestigious.  But I had been in this really great relationship for about a year and I knew in my heart of hearts that if I moved, that relationship would fall apart.  I begged God to show me which door to walk through.  When I stepped off the plane in NYC for my audition, the cold air hit me square in the face and within an hour of arriving I had completely lost my voice.  How was I supposed to have an opera audition with no voice?  This was a CLEAR message from God that NYC was not the place for me.  And I'm so happy I listened to him and walked through that door... that boy I was dating became my husband, my best friend and the father to my children.

When I was a recent college grad, I had another decision to make.  I could stay in Miami and get a job or try to move to Orlando.  Mauricio had just decided to attend school in Orlando, and again I feared that a long distance relationship would be detrimental.  But I couldn't just go to Orlando and live with nothing to do... I had to find a job.  I gave myself 3 days.  I told myself that God was the ultimate provider and if I was meant to live in Orlando and follow Mauricio, that He would make it happen.  I went to Orlando for 3 days to try and find a job... if I didn't succeed then that was God closing that door.  I went and received 3 job offers in that time and decided to take one.  I packed up my bags and moved to Orlando, trusting completely that it was in God's will for me.  And I'm so happy I did... my relationship grew in strength, I met some wonderful people who are still my closest friends, and I rededicated my life to Jesus and began to act like the Christian I always claimed to be.  I fell in love with Jesus in Orlando.

When Mau and I had been married for a year, we began having that baby itch.  But, with Mau out of work, it was impossible to start a family.  Then one day out of the blue, Carol called and told Mau that her husbands company was hiring and would put in a good word for him.  Only problem was that the job was in Greenville, SC.  Well, we had to trust the Lord and walk through the doors that He opened.  We knew we wanted babies, and if moving the Greenville was the only way to get them, then we'd move.  And we did.  Do you know, the SAME day Mauricio started working in Greenville I got a positive pregnancy test!  I was pregnant with Marco.  That's God!  And I'm so happy we listened and moved to Greenville... I was able to stay home and take care of my baby, and then God blessed us with a second baby!

Now, since we moved to Greenville, our family has been whining and complaining about how far we live.  And I know, it is far.  So, since coming here, our prayer has been the same... lead us where we should go.  For two and a half years we heard nothing.  But now we have.  God opened up this door for us to be able to move back to Miami.

I have all these doubts and worries about moving back.  What will my life look like?  Will I be able to afford to remain a SAHM?  Will my family drive me bonkers?  I even started thinking that maybe this wasn't from God.  Maybe it was our will, or better yet, our parents' will, but not God's.  But then I had reassurance... Adele told me something great, "All good things come from God".  If this wasn't from God, it wouldn't have been laid out before us so perfectly.  Mauricio wouldn't have gotten the job.  He wouldn't have been made a generous offer.  We wouldn't have had 3 showings TODAY to show our apartment and be released from our lease agreement.  God is taking care of every.single.little.step.  Why do I doubt?

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28


So, here we go.  Walking into the unknown.  But, the door was opened by God.  So whatever lays beyond it is from Him and for us.  As long as we keep praying to Him, seeking His will and obeying, how can we ever be lead astray?

Accidents Happen

I guess it's ok for me to post this today, since it's a Friday... Friday's are flame free, so you're not allowed to judge me.  Just so you know.

Today I did something rather dumb.  Not my proudest Mama Moment.  In fact, I've been ladened with guilt all day.  Jonas fell down.

I took Marco to get a haircut today.  Being that it was only his second one ever, he was rather skittish.  Actually, that's an understatement.  He FLIPPED out.  The moment his butt landed in the barber chair, which by the way was adorable, small and blue, with a tv screen, kid music playing and puzzles, he went bonkers.  So while I'm holding Jonas, I try to ease Marco's stress.  We offer him a lollypop, even a sip from my Frappuccino (another superior parenting moment), yet nothing would calm him down.  

Here's where I made my mistake.  I put Jonas down... on a bench, sitting up.  The bench wasn't too high off the floor (like knee level), and I was "watching him" and I was "right there", what could happen?  So, I start to give Marco more of my attention, trusting Jonas to stay put.  Marco started to calm down and things were looking better.  Then it happened, so fast that I didn't even realize what happened till my little baby was face down on the floor.  He rolled forward off the bench and fell on his face.  

Well, naturally he started screaming... which in turn got Marco freaked out again and he started screaming as well.  I immediately broke out into a nervous sweat and started cursing myself, all the while checking for broken bones or bruises.  Thankfully, there were none.  

Then I'm questioning, should I go to the hospital?  What if he has a concussion?  What if something is internally wrong and I can't see it?  What if I just caused brain damage? What if he's got organ bleeding?  What if........  

But I decided to head home and keep a careful eye on him.  I'm happy to report that he's been acting normally, his eyes are not dilated and he has no redness, swelling or bruising.  God is GOOD!  

I just keep reminding myself that I'm a total dumb@ss.  This could have been avoided... if I had only brought the stroller down.  If I had only brought down the carrier.  If I had not been so bothered by Marco's melt down.  I know accidents happen, but this could have been avoided.  

To console me, my mom recalled a time she fell down the stairs with me and had to call 911.  Then my step-mom told me of a time she dropped my step-brother from the highchair and ran outside so her husband wouldn't hear the screams and know what a horrible mother she was!  Yeah, it actually does make me feel a little better... my accident wasn't nearly as bad as either of theirs! 

Check-Ups

Today the boys had their well check-ups.  Can I just say, it is so nice going in for a WELL visit as opposed to a sick one.  No worries about vomiting, runny noses or antibiotics.  Well visits usually make me feel very proud and successful... I rock as a mom and my doctor thinks so too!

As is expected, there is always good news and not-so-good news... but no bad news.

I've known for a while now that Marco has gotten WAY big.  He just turned 2 and yet he's wearing size 3T.  He's so heavy that I can barely carry him!  This was all confirmed today when he weighed in at a whopping 29.8 lbs (70th %ile) and measuring a ginormous 37.5 in (98th %ile).  Yes, he is in fact a BIG BOY.  The doctor estimated that once fully grown, Marco will be up around 6 foot 3 inches.  My big boy will also be a big man!  Maybe he will really start thinking about a career in Ba-Sket-Ball!

The only downside to our visit was that it looks like Marco is going to need to get the tubes after all.  After writing that blog post, Mau and I discussed it and we decided to wait for his next visit (which was today) and see if he still had fluid in his ears.  Well, he does.  It's not infected, but it's still there and it shouldn't be. So, we will now make the moves necessary to have the procedure done.

My small and mighty Jonas had a good visit as well.  You know, having a premie can be discouraging at times, but I have to keep the mindset that he is NOT like other babies his age... and that's ok.  He is weighing in at 11.5 lbs (> 2 %ile) and is measuring 27.5 in (.07 %ile).  Looking at his curve can be shocking... it is SO far below the norm... BUT his curve is moving up continuously and that is all I can hope for.  In the past 2 months, he has gained 2 pounds and 2 inches... that's pretty decent!  The doctor was impressed with how active, alert and strong he is... considering his size.

We had to fill out a 9 month questionnaire that asked about motor skills and other things.  He is right on track for a few things, but falls behind on most.  The doctor and I both agreed that it's nothing to be concerned about and has 100% to do with the fact that he's a premature child.  He acts and is on track as if he had been born on his due date... so like a 7 month old.  She said that by his next visit, we should be able to check off all those boxes with no problem, and I'm sure we will too.  Other than that, Jonas is super healthy and doing great!

I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with two wonderful and healthy children.  Even though they both have had rocky starts, God has pulled us through and shattered every single doubt or fear that I held on to.  He is so good.

Professional Accomplishment!

Yesterday I had my first professional accomplishment in a long time.  And it felt great!

Before I became a mom, yes, I had a life.  I was a middle school chorus teacher, before that a K-8 music teacher and simultaneously taught private voice lessons at a music school.  I love to sing, and really discovered that I love teaching other's to sing too!

When I was in the K-8 school, I realized something very important... I don't like kids.  Let me correct myself, I like MY kids, but I don't like OTHER people's kids.  Actually, I do like other people's kids... but not in groups.  I learned that teaching K-3 was NOT for me.  Too many "I miss my mommy", "I hurt my finger", "I'm sleepy"... I couldn't deal.  Things started getting better with 4th graders, but my heart belonged to my middle schoolers.

The next year I went to work in a public middle school teaching only Chorus.  It was wonderful.  The music was great, the kids were inspiring, the work I was doing was valuable.  What I didn't love was the disciplining.  There were always those few that ruined it for everyone.  I was also at a very low income school, and the lack of funds were disappointing and depressing.  I stayed there for 3 years, for the kids, until I moved to Greenville to become a full time Mom.

I have been teaching private voice lessons since I was a Senior in college.  I have always worked at after school music facilities that take care of everything for you.  They have their rates set, they set your appointments and deal with your cancellations.  They also set up recitals and allow you to participate with your students.

Since I had taught in a public school, a private school and in an individual setting, I was able to realize that my favorite form of teaching was one-on-one, individual private voice lessons.  You get the best of everything here... a dedicated student with a real desire to learn and an appreciation for music.  Because there are no grades involved, there is no pressure and no discipline issues.  It really is all the fun of teaching with none of the annoying paperwork, politics or disciplining involved in a school setting.

So when I moved to Greenville, I decided to go solo... I had worked at 2 different music schools and saw the way they operated... I could do this.  I put a small blurb out on www.vocalist.org and before long I had my very first student.  At this time, we were living in a 2 bedroom apartment and Marco was just 2 months old.  I would put him in my carrier and he would sleep or watch as I taught my one lesson per week.  Pretty soon, one student became 2 and then 3 and so on!  We had to make arrangements to get into a bigger apartment and have Mauricio come home from work to take care of Marco so I could teach a few back to back.

As I got my space, and things became more consistant, I began feeling a lot more legit.  These students were sticking around because they were learning and having fun while doing so.  At the turn of the year, I had 10 solid and consistant students.  I decided my next major step was to have a recital to show off all the incredible work we'd been doing.  So we set the date, and got to work.

Yesterday was that date.  June 4, 2011 was the first time I put on my OWN studio voice recital.  I had 10 students performing 19 songs.  The recital was held in the theatre at Coffee Underground, and we had a small reception afterward.  My students ranged in age from 6-20, and we had a variety of songs... some Broadway, some pop, some country, some worship.  It was wonderful!

I felt so encouraged by our success yesterday and know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.  Although I only work 3 hours every evening, I know that I'm making a big impact on the lives of these students and enriching their love for music.  God has done an amazing work in our lives by giving me the opportunity to do this... He has provided the students.  Currently I have 13 students, and He continues to open more doors for me all the time!

Here is a picture of the group of performers from the Spring 2011 Recital:

You can check out my website here.  It's a little bare right now, but we'll be working on sprucing it up, adding pictures and videos from the recital.
We'll be planning our next recital for December!

Sleep, Glorious Sleep!

Oh, Sleep, glorious Sleep, how I've longed for you.  It's been some time since we've been together... and I've missed you every day.  But, now I've seen glimpses of your return.  Although sometimes they are fleeting, I still dream of the day that you return to me for good.  

I haven't wanted to write this post, for fear of the jinx.  You know, you say it out loud and then it goes away.  So I'll whisper it to you... Jonas has been sleeping through the night.  

It's been about two weeks now.  He's been eating his dinner and nursing around 8pm and falling asleep in my arms.  He is then transfered to his OWN crib, where he procedes to sleep till approximately 5 or 6am.  Every night, he's given me 8-10 hours in a row.  Please, someone shout out a "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord"... I'm not kidding... do it!

Remember when I said that if Jesus REALLY loved me, he'd let Jonas sleep?  Well, guess what?  HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME.  (Not that I EVER doubted).

It has immediately changed my demeanor.  I am more optimistic and energetic.  I'm having a lot of fun with him during the day, and I'm having a lot of fun without him during the night... (ooo, that was spicy).

So once he wakes up at 5, Mau goes and gets him and brings him to our bed.  I nurse him while we're sleeping and eventually he falls back to sleep too.  We snuggle till Marco wakes up around 8:30 and then begin our day.  It's been working out wonderfully.

Now, I'm looking forward to that next step.  12 hours, baby!  We can do it!

Not by me, but by Him

Some may say my life has been one of meeting my obstacles head on, not allowing life to get me down, but moving forward always.  I can agree.  My life has not been easy, but the grace of God has always guided and strengthened me.  I have so many examples of which I can write, but I will choose one.

After being married to the love of my life for a ful year, we decided it was time to start thinking about bringing a little "us" into the picture.  We prayed abou tit and decided to consult my doctors about the decision.  Since I had always lived with major health difficulties, it was important to get the green light from them before proceeding with our plans.

I made an appointment with my Pulmonologist and informed him of our plan to conceive.  He looked at me with skeptical eyes and with very little sympathy in his voice, he said, "That's probably not a good idea.  You should just adopt, but don't risk having your own children".  I sat in my paper gown atop the examination table and began to shiver.  Tears swelled in my eyes and poured down my cheeks as my dreams of having my own children started to evaporate.  How could he dismiss all of my dreams and desires in one simple sentence?  I was devastated.

Mauricio and I began to pray feverishly about what God had planned for our life.  He had always made a way for us and given me strength to do things beyond the limitations set for me by others.  He reminded me of all the things He pulled me through in the past.

* When I was a 5th grader and I wanted to be a cheerleader, people said it wasn't a good idea.  But I did it anyway.  Although I was quite possibly the worst cheerleader in the history of cheering, I completed the season.

* When I was 16 and they told me I needed a lung transplant and would no longer live the life of a normal teen, I proved them all wrong.  Time and time again I was TOO healthy to recieve a transplant and kept on getting skipped on the list for people who needed a lung for a life or death situation.  Eventually they pulled me off the list all together.

*  When I was applying for college and wanted to be an Opera major, the professors and administration said it wasn't a good idea.  My lungs did not have the capacity to handle the rigor of the repertoire.  And my arthritis would be affected too greatly with the staging and long days on my feet.  But I did it anyway.  And I graduated on time!

*  When I wanted to move out on my own and begin working, people said it wasn't a good idea.  They said I should stay near my family in case something happened.  They said I wouldn't be able to handle working full time with children and maintain my own house.  But I did it anyway.  And I was good at my job too!

God pulled me through all of these things that mere man said I could not do.  I realized it wasn't by my efforts, but by God's grace.  I realized that if he pulled me through those petty and insignificant desires, how much more would he grant me the true desire of my heart... to be a mom.  We decided to trust in Him completely.

In October of 2008, we conceived my first son, Marco and decided to move 700 miles away from our family.  People said we were crazy to have a baby and do it all by ourselves while being so far from my family.  People said we couldn't afford to live off of one income, to allow me to be a stay-at-home-mom. People said we would struggle.  And when we conceived our second son, Jonas, they said it all again.  But we are doing it anyway!  And not by our hands, but by God's hands, which guide us every single step of the way.