Womanly Stuff

On Monday I had an appointment with my OB.  I don't know if I should still call it an OB, or now call it Gyno, since technically we're done with the baby having stage... but anyway.

I hadn't been seen at this office since I left Miami in 2005.  And obviously a lot has happened since then... you know, married, 2 kids, tubes tied, etc... But I went back to my previous doctor.  I really like her.  Her practice is professional, super nice and very efficient.  I would have loved having my babies with them.

What I loved most was that before my exam, I got to sit in the doctors office and chat with her about what's new, medical history and any questions.  I got to talk with a doctor, by myself, in private, fully clothed!  How often does THAT happen?  I felt like an ACTUAL person!  I loved that.

Well, while we were having our chat, I filled her in on my baby-having history.  2 babies, 15 months apart, first delivered vaginally, second via c-section and tubal.  When I mentioned the tubal, she immediately pursed her lips.  I did not like this.  I felt a gush of anxiety, "oh no, what did I let those hicks in Greenville do to my fertile baby-making body?!?!".  She thought it was strange that they would push someone so young to have it done... and she asked me if I had any regrets.  I started to feel weepy inside, but I held it all together.

If you've been tracking with me for a while, I've written a few posts about how I felt and feel after having my tubes tied.  You can see them here and here.  So you know I've come to terms with it.  And I told her as much... but watching her reaction made me feel a small sense of panic!

Part of me feels that maaaaaaybe I didn't haaaaave to be so drastic and just maaaaaaaybe that door didn't haaaaaave to close just yet.  Not that there's anything I can do about it now... what's done is done.  Kinda breaks my heart all over again.  Pouring acid in a freshly healed wound.

Then we talked about my massive P.M.S.  I admit it... I'm not always a horrible monster... only the week before my period.  My loving husband pointed out that a week before, I blow up at everything, the smallest thing sets me off and I'm emotional.  At first I was offended that he would blame my "true emotions" on PMS, until I started to notice the pattern... and I can't blind myself from the truth.  So, I'm horrible to him and so short tempered with my kids.  She gave me a low dose of PROZAC!  haha.  But she urged me not to use it without trying other forms of relief such as meditation and exercise.  We'll see what works.  I might look into more homeopathic remedies that do not require me becoming zombie like or working out.

So my yearly appointment was good and bad... mostly good.  Don't have to go through that again for a whole year! yay!