The Right Decision Made

Back when Jonas was born, I wrote this post about having to make the decision to get my tubes tied.  I know a lot of people have read that story and been touched by it.  I know that in writing it, I was trying to convince myself that I made a good decision and that it was the only way.

But it broke my heart.

At that time, I wasn't ready to say "we'll always be a family of 4".  I still dreamt of one day holding a baby girl in my arms.  My body missed having a baby inside.  I thought I'd one day long for more.

And then I got to know Jonas.  I mean, I really got to know him.  And I learned that that boy is work... lots of work.  So, my baby fever got put on hold.

Then I started to watch him and Marco together.  The way they love each other.  The way they play together.  They're two peas in a pod.  A match made in heaven.

And I felt...
Complete

Recently, I've felt more secure in my decision than ever before.  I've learned in the past few weeks that THREE of my friends are pregnant.  And all I feel is happiness for them.  Not a hint of jealousy.

Where before I used to feel an ache in my body... a yearning for another.  Now, all I want to say, "so happy it's you... and not me".  That's a sure sign.

I know that the decision I made... although hasty and forced upon me... was the right one after all.  God gave me a great gift... I'm content.  I know that this is exactly the way my family was always meant to be.  We were always meant to have a Table for 4.