What I Sing Now

I have told you all in the past that I studied Vocal Performance in college.
To clarify that for non-music people... that's Opera.

Not many people say they studied Opera in college... but I did.  Some may say it's a dying art form, to which I would have to sort of agree (my music colleagues are gasping right now), but really, jobs are scarse.  In fact, of all the people I knew in college, only TWO of them are actually performing in that genre.

I could have continued my education... I was invited to audition at the Manhattan School of Music, and the story of why I didn't end up auditioning will have to be another post because it's too long.  But honestly, I didn't know what I wanted to do.  Jobs are scarse.

So I decided to move into education and become a middle school chorus teacher.  I loved that job.  I never ever wanted to teach, but I learned that I liked teaching after all.  I went from singing Mozart arias to middle-school choral music over night.

And along with teaching, my voice began to deteriorate.  I was singing for about 8 hours a day.  Loudly.  And I was talking for even more than that.  My voice was getting really tired.

So I started taking voice lessons to regain that strength, but at my level, voice lessons were pricey!  Like $80 an hour!  It was way too expensive.

Then I became a mom, quit teaching and my repertoire changed yet again.
These days, all I sing is "Twinkle Twinkle", "ABC's" and "Happy Birthday".

I teach on Saturdays, but I don't really SING.  I listen to kids sing and demonstrate throughout, but I don't SING.

I haven't REALLY sung in YEARS.

And now, I'm terrified.

I'm so vocally out of shape.  I desperately need voice lessons, but I can't afford them.  I would like to take the time to practice, but I can't figure out when... I can't do it while the kids nap because I'm too loud.  I can't do it when they're awake because they want to monopolize the piano and tell me what to sing.

So why does it matter?

Because now, at my job, we are being asked to perform several times a year.
And again... I'm terrified!

What if I go up there and suck it up... and then people are like "THAT girl is teaching MY kid?".  And guess what?  I can't go up there and sing "You Are My Sunshine" (my specialty) ... I'm gonna have to sing Mozart!  And I haven't sung that in at least 7 years.

You guys, I'm scared.
Maybe this is the push I need.
But I'm still scared.

Oh and, I just found out that I'm the oldest and most experienced voice teacher at my job.  That just adds more pressure.

(I wanna cry)